Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Treddy Slut

Once upon a time, long before E-Lo came along, there was a 19 year old girl named Erica. Erica was a sophomore at Clarion University. Her best friend from freshman year had transferred to another school across the state. Her freshman roommate had moved into a new room with a girl from her hometown. Her party friends had moved into an apartment far away from her dorm room on the top floor of Nair Hall. Her new roommate was an uber-bitch. Everything was different and she felt as lonely as she did on her first day as a freshman. She felt isolated and alone.

One day she ran into some freshman boys from Butler. She kind of knew them, but not really. One of them was a boy named Greg.

Erica had met Greg before, back in high school. The first time she met him was with her good friend Sarah, and they all went to Hills (remember Hills?) together to buy Greg some beautiful bright red hair dye.



Here’s what Greg looked like then… you can see the remnants of the red dye fading to a lovely shade of pink. Back then he was known as GK.

At the time Erica didn’t have that great of an impression of Greg. She knew his friend Jon quite well from years of riding the bus with him, but one day Greg and Jon made fun of Erica’s feet, which she didn’t take to very kindly. Back then, Erica was a bitch. If you crossed her, she let you know, and to be honest, she could be a little scary.

So with some trepidation, she began to get to know Greg at Clarion, and she quickly realized that this was someone she could be friends with. He was silly like her, he had a lovely lady friend named Starr that she was quite fond of that was going to school at Pitt, and while Erica introduced him to his first college keg party, Greg introduced her to the Star Wars trilogy for the first time. They had many adventures in Nair Hall together, most of which involved sticking carrot sticks up their noses and taking pictures, or playing with a little buddy of theirs that they called the “ecstatic massager,” which really isn’t as dirty as it sounds. They drank Mad Dog in her dorm room and almost got caught (thanks to Biff). They wreaked havoc on Erica’s bitch roommate (“they spilled my fucking soda!”) and eventually she moved out. Greg never judged Erica, even though she was going through her slutty phase of life, and Erica was grateful to have a friend like him.

Fast forward 9 years. That brings us to present day. If in fact by present day you mean TO-day, which is October 25th. I’ve arranged this day to be very special in my own mind, not only because it’s the day before my wedding anniversary, but because it’s my dear friend Greg’s birthday. Today he is 28. And I’ll never forget his birthday, mainly because of the wedding thing.



After all this time, you can see that Greg still really likes me.

So Greg, although the day is rainy and cold, and although Fuzzball may not be born today (I’m feeling fine, thanks), I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I’ve had a lot of fun this morning reminiscing about our Clarion days. I wish I could drink a beer with you, but this will have to do.

Happy Birthday.

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