Win some, lose some

In our collective efforts at baby making, we were successful. For a minute.

I took a pregnancy test on Thursday. I could faintly see a second line. Not satisfied with that, I ran to the store and bought one of the digital readout tests - I will never resort to buying cheap pregnancy tests again. Peed on a stick, and there it was, "pregnant." Whoa! That was fast!

I told Ryan later in the evening, and he was surprised, but proud of himself. His efforts mean a lot to him. We made plans to tell our parents on Christmas Eve, and were pretty damn excited.

Something woke me up early Sunday, and I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. Then the cramps started, which I would liken to labor pains. Not nearly as intense, but because I rarely get cramps even when I have my period, they were pretty crazy. I knew what was happening, and I was not happy. At all.

Thankfully the cramping part didn't last long - when you're already a mom, other things distract you from your own drama - which can be a good thing sometimes. I went to the doctor yesterday and my test result was negative - and they told me my pregnancy test results could have been a false positive, or a very, very early miscarriage. I vote for the latter. I know I was pregnant - I could feel it. I recognized it. I could smell EVERYTHING.

So it's back to the drawing board for us - and although it sucks, it makes me appreciate that I have a healthy, although BRATTY, little girl. I love her more than anything, and I'm so thankful that I have her in my life.

Coming back ya'll

Yeah, I realize that I haven't had a post up in 3 months.

BUT!

Me and Ryan... we're trying to get preggo. So let the fun baby talk commence!

I'm working on updating the look here, and what the hell, I might just get a domain name. We'll see.

Lots of boring shit has been going on in my life lately, like playing Farmville on Facebook and making certificate after certificate for "Files Tech of the Month" at work and mundane shit like that. My house has been turned upside down for a few months too, and I think the long awaited bathroom remodel is about to begin. At least I hope. But at this point it's kind of like hearing that I'm going to get a raise at work - I'll believe it when I see it.

More soon...

Starting Over

October marks the beginning of the fiscal year at the company that I work at. Not that I care much about all things fiscal, but the sense of starting fresh is always a good thing. I, for one, am always starting over. For all the good it does me, I might as well just keep on keepin’ on with what I’m doing, but it’s the thought that counts right?

Have I mentioned that Lyric, my smart, beautiful, crazy daughter has started pre-school? She’s been going for the past month, and it’s amazing to me. She loves school and often voices her disappointment about the fact that she can only go two days a week. And she’s like a sponge when it comes to new information. Do you know what I caught her doing the other night? Do you? SHE WAS WRITING HER NAME. Oh my god. How did that happen? How does my three year old know how to write? Of course, there are plenty of three year olds out there who are already reading, like, Harry Potter, and crap like that. But in that moment I felt like I had the smarter pre-schooler alive.

And when she gets frustrated? OMG. She’s worse than even her hot headed mother. I’ve been known to throw phones, kick doors, and one time I even broke the horn in my car by punching the steering wheel. I’m not even kidding you, I punched it so hard that the horn just stayed on, as if it were feeling my very emotions – blaring my angry thoughts until I pulled over and had to pull the fuse. Of course, that was after trying to punch it again to get it to stop. These days my anger fueled rages are tampered by prescription medication, but my kid? Not so much. After practicing her name a couple times and messing up a few letters, she flung the pad of paper and the pen all the way across the basement, and threw herself facedown on to the couch. But that’s pretty typical three year old behavior, right? RIGHT?

One problem that I’m faced with is her need for violence. She’s a mom abuser. Yes, I say that jokingly, but she does like to hit, push, and pinch. Particularly when she’s overly tired and doesn’t get her way. My arm just healed from a pinch that she planted on me a week ago, and last night, I went to take my book light out of her hand and she hauled off and slapped me across the face. HARD. I could feel the miniature handprint. It’s moments like those when me as a person and not as a mom bubbles to the surface and I physically see red for a moment. I swear it’s the hand of a higher power that holds me back and calms me down and allows me to say, “NO, YOU DON’T DO THAT,” and walk out of the room. Anyone but my child who would slap me would see the WRATH. Not pretty.

I still haven’t found the solution to the hitting/pinching/pushing problem. Thankfully there have been no reports of Lyric related violence from pre-school.

Overall, I’m amazed that this kid will be four in two months. And while I miss my cuddly baby, I’m liking the kid that’s developing, minus the violence, of course. She’s fun, and funny, and she sings! She totally lives up to her name with her musical abilities. We were watching Tarzan the other night – the one where Phil Collins does the soundtrack – and she sang along to all the songs. I was like, “how many times have you seen this?” She held up two fingers.

Outrageous!

I'm sure the majority of the people that are friends with me on Facebook are sick to death of me posting articles and blurbs and stuff like this... but I can't help it. I voted for change, and THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

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Weighty Issues

It's been quite a couple of weeks. Things have been going BADLY in my life.

1. My eyes have regressed. I can no longer see without the aid of glasses. And the glasses that I have - oh my LORD. I so need to upload a photo of me in them. They're my mom's glasses from when she had her lasik done 10 years ago - the same thing happened to her eyes. Turns out that I have my mom's eyes - in more ways than one. We had the same prescription, surgery, and same regression. I'm going to have to have an enhancement done, which is fine. If my eyes keep the trend of following my mom's, I shouldn't have a problem.

2. My jobs BLOW right now. End of story. And I'm so unmotivated. I'm not sure why I'm unmotivated. My new classes start today, and I have so many projects at work-work. The more projects I get, the less inclined I feel to work. It's a terrible downward spiral. I just want a vacation.

3. My relationship with my husband was getting rocky there for a while. There were lots of reasons, and I don't want to get into any of them, but I will admit that I was at fault for most of it. I'm a terrible communicator for someone who has a bachelors and masters in COMMUNICATION. I have to learn to put my fears to rest, and not let my insecurities get the best of me. Thankfully, we're better now than we have been in years, because we put everything out there and had some heart to heart conversations over the past few weeks. I'm very optimistic about US. We're a team.

4. Speaking of insecurities, I have some ISSUES with my ass. It's getting huge. It's amazing how quickly weight can creep back on to me since I had a kid. I was doing great for a while - going to the gym, keeping track of what I was doing with food... then I had my eye surgery and couldn't exercise for a few weeks, and my gym trips became pretty sporadic. And my thighs are once again out of control. I'm less than happy about this, so I just signed up for Weight Watchers online, and I really really hope I can stick it out. Because I have to do something. Oh, and pilates. Pilates helps.

So I woke up today with a new outlook. I need to get my shit together, and fast, because if I don't, the world will start crashing down on me. I've got to turn a new leaf, and I'm trying like hell. My main goal is to be a role model for my daughter - who isn't afraid to say, "mom, you have a big butt." She's the kick in the ass I've always needed.

On Rebranding...

My company is in the process of rebranding, something that they did a couple years back, just before I came on board as one of four graphic designers. Keep in mind we are a company of roughly 8,000 employees, all over the U.S. And now we have 5 designers. Hmm. So it falls on our team to redesign EVERY SINGLE ITEM that is in circulation internally and externally. The powers that be hired a large firm based out of NYC to come up with the new brand. Which brings up the question of market research. Did they do it? I have no idea, being a lowly graphic designer.

Case in point - Tropicana.


image courtesy of http://blogs.ft.com/gapperblog/2009/02/pulp-friction-at-tropicana/

Most people have noticed that they redesigned their cartons. But they failed in the market research department, because the public HATED the new design. So they're forced to go back to the boring old, straw in the orange design. Personally, I really like the design of the new carton. But I'm a graphic designer, and I appreciate contemporary design. But I do understand how this could look generic to consumers, and be confusing. And it earned a spot on Yahoo's dumbest business moments of 2009.

What's the message here? Don't eff with what people KNOW. The average person is easily confused by this. I know that when I saw that Tropicana had a new design, I thought, that's cool, they're keeping up the the times. I think the old design is a bit dated - but it's what people know and trust. I've also learned that as a designer, it doesn't matter what I think - it matters what the audience thinks. So my expertise in all things graphical means jack shit.

So we're in for an exciting, yet scary time with our rebrand. Of course, what we sell can't be bought in the cooler section of your local grocery store. Yet, we have an image that's out there, that people are familiar with, and it's scary to turn the page to something completely different.

But hey, it's job security for me. Ha!