Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Wise Words

From Dooce: "The real crime here is not that educated women are choosing to stay at home with their children, it’s that many women who want to stay at home aren’t able to because of their circumstances."

Amen, sista, amen.

Did I ever think that I'd want to stay home with my kid? Never. When I was working my ass off to get my Masters, I thought that I was doing this to support myself and, if I ever chose to have one, my family. That the work that I was doing was going to pay off. That I was a professional, and I'd be a career woman before I was a mother.

Oh, blow on winds of change.

I'm far from a "professional." I think my job is a joke, and if I had the option to sell my soul to stay at home with my baby, I'd seriously consider selling my soul.

Unfortunately, I chose to be the "breadwinner" in my marriage, per se, with my big degree that would open the whole world up to me. Well, my big degree has snagged me a bullshit job that gets me "just okay" money and "just okay" benefits. My husband, who never finished college, makes just as much as me, sometimes more because he works a lot of overtime. Granted, he busts his ass being an asphalt worker, but I've had a lot of time in the past few months to seriously question my role in our marriage.

My number one job is mom. It's why I close my door to pump 3 times a day. It's why I go in at noon when my baby is up all night crying. And it's why I'd leave this motherfucking place in a heartbeat if my child needed me.

Dooce is so right. The crime is not that I am educated and I wish to stay at home with my baby, it's that I CAN'T.

Tomorrow I'll continue my bitching about the little things that are irking me this week, including going to court, stink bugs, scary television, and more! Woot!

Monday, February 27, 2006

I NEEDED those 5 Coronas though...

There’s been a lot of shitty things going on lately, like…

All day Friday I was plagued by a horrible virus. My computer at work was infested. It was some sort of URL Highjacker, and it wasn’t fun. So I did nothing all day while 2 virus programs ran on my computer. We finally got rid of it. Since I have a mac at home I’ve never really had to deal with viruses much. Macs don’t really get viruses much. They have healthy immune systems or something.

My baby was up ALL night last night. I think she’s hitting her 3 month growth spurt. Until about 2:30, she screamed and cried and we swayed and rocked and walked until finally she passed out on my boob, probably out of sheer exhaustion. I felt terrible. When my alarm when off at 6:15, I was like, fuck this. I called work and told them I’d be in at noon.

My car didn’t pass inspection last week. Turns out the frame on the back half of the car is rusting out. It’s costing us 700 bucks to fix it. Bye bye paycheck. I hardly knew ye.

At any rate, I went out on Saturday and I have 5, yes count them, FIVE Coronas. In a row. Five Coronas in my belly equals one drunk E-Lo. I’ve had a few tiny buzzes since having a baby, but not a full on drunk. I don’t know how it happened but those fine Mexican beers were going down like lemonade on a hot sunny day, and before I knew it, it was 11:00 and I had drank well over my limit (3 beers in 3 hours being my limit). However, I was having so much fun that I forgot why I don’t drink much in the first place, until I felt the burning tingling sensation in my boobs of my milk letting down.


Before you berate me and tell me what a bad mommy I am, here’s what kellymom.com says about drinking and breastfeeding:

In general, if you are sober enough to drive, you are sober enough to breastfeed. Less than 2% of the alcohol consumed by the mother reaches her blood and milk. Alcohol peaks in mom's blood and milk approximately 1/2-1 hour after drinking (but there is considerable variation from person to person, depending upon how much food was eaten in the same time period, mom's body weight and percentage of body fat, etc.). Alcohol does not accumulate in breastmilk, but leaves the milk as it leaves the blood; so when your blood alcohol levels are back down, so are your milk alcohol levels. There is no need to pump & dump milk after drinking alcohol, other than for mom's comfort -- pumping & dumping does not speed the elimination of alcohol from the milk.

I quit drinking at probably 11:30. We left the bar at 12, stopped to get some food, then picked Lyric up from my mom and dad’s. By that time I was feeling sober, because I don’t know about you, but having to deal with a baby when you’re drunk is a real buzz kill.

I fed her at 1:30 and she was fine. Although I’ve learned my lesson, no more drinking too much when I’m the one that has to put her to sleep with my boob.But I’ve got to say to Greg and Starr that I had a FABULOUS time, and if I was a little crazy and annoying, I’m sorry. I don’t get out much.

More about the crappy going ons in my life tomorrow… as of right now my rays of sunshine are Lyric and Ryan. Thank goodness I have a sense of humor or I’d be severely depressed.


Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Mommy

My mom just turned 62 on Sunday. She retired last February from a county run long term care home. She worked there for a good 20 years, busting her ass as a nurse’s aide, housekeeping, and finishing up in rehabilitation. 20 years of rotating shifts, working weekends and holidays, breaking her back lifting people into beds, and so on. Something that I’m too much of a big baby to do. In my honest opinion, it takes a very strong and very special kind of person to want to work in healthcare, especially working in the capacity that my mom worked in, dealing with people who are just pretty much waiting to die.

Soon after my mom retired she realized that she couldn’t sit at home with my dad all day or she’d be in one of those homes too, only the kind with padded rooms and straight jackets. So she got a job. It just so happened that a short way down the road from my parents house lived a woman who was 100 years old. I don’t know what you think, but living a century is pretty damn impressive, and the fact that you’re actually alive after so long is good enough. So this woman needed a little help. She had a full time staff of women who stayed with her. And my mom came out of retirement to help her.

My mom has a tendency to get pretty attached to the people she works with, and working so closely with this woman, a great relationship developed. So when the woman’s health started declining rapidly, my mom grew very concerned. A few weeks ago my mom told me that the woman wasn’t doing very good, she could no longer walk on her own. She was dying. My mom plainly said to me, “I hope she doesn’t die on me.”

On February 11th, my mom was working the morning shift and felt that this was going to be the day. She called the woman’s daughter and told her to come up because her mom was dying. The daughter got there in enough time to be able to sit with her mother and hold her hand while she passed away. Needless to say, my mom, who is very sensitive to begin with, was torn apart. Her heart was broken at the loss of this woman who had been a part of her life for almost a year. When I called her later in the day she could barely talk to me through her tears, and it killed me to hear my mom sound like that.

After having the last week off to recover, my mom is ready to fill the hole in her heart by finding someone new to take care of. She has some prospects already.

My mom is amazing.

This morning I was lying in bed with my daughter, looking at her little sleepy angel face, and I was so full of love for this girl that I was ready to burst. I thought to myself, “this is the way my mom loves me.”

My mom is my hero.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Tuesday Schmoozday

Listening to:
John Mellencamp. I’m nostalgic for summer right now since we’ve been dealing with subzero temperatures here for the past week.

Annoying Me:
Annoying me today is the use of the word (if you can call it a word) “frack” in the cult show “Battlestar Galactica.” My dear nerdy husband, who can tell you everything and anything about any comic book character, Star Wars, and this show, is a fan, and I’m forced to watch it from time to time while I’m sitting on the couch immobilized with a boppy pillow on my lap and a baby on my boob. In case you haven’t guessed, they use “frack” in lieu of “fuck,” and the overuse of it is extreme. When every other word is “frack” your nerves tend to fray just a little every time you hear it. Once you hit about 20 times hearing “The fracking Cylons are fracking attacking us!” you’re ready to say “SHUT THE FRACK UP YOU FRACKING ANNOYING FRACKS!” They deserve to get eaten by the Cylons or whatever it is that Cylons to do humankind.


My job. It gets suckier every single day. I wish Cylons would eat my boss.

Keeping the Junk in my Trunk:
Birthday cake. Everytime I turn around someone is shoving birthday cake in my maw and I can't say no. No more frackin birthday cake! Trying to lose 30 pounds here!

Yesterday was a year to the day since my daughter was conceived. You all needed to know that. Really it’s kind of a neat date to remember. A year ago today a tiny life was already forming in me and I didn’t even know. Pretty amazing what can happen in a year. Strangely enough, for someone who wasn’t sure she wanted kids, I’ve already had the conversation with Ryan about when we’re going to try for number 2. Ryan wants to wait until Lyric is two, I’m willing to hold out until she’s a bit older. We’ll see.

Happy Birthday:
Lyric will be 3 months tomorrow. Somehow it seems like longer, but I’m alarmed at how much she’s already grown.

Full Circle:
I have a sore throat today. I haven’t been sick since my last week of pregnancy, and before that, it was a year ago, when I went to the doctor and she prescribed me the infamous antibiotics that made me conceive in the first place...

Fracking Cuteness:

Monday, February 20, 2006

You're gonna be a star, kid...

The fruits of my labor... and our portrait studio excursion results...

Tres cute, no?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Random observation of the day:

I have a sucker bite on my boob.

From my BABY.

She was off target (drunk AGAIN) while trying to latch on last night and nailed the side of it instead of the intended latching on area, much to my shock and dismay. I jokingly thought "she's going to give me a gross hickey."

This morning after my shower I saw it, a little purple sucker bite on my right boob.

From my BABY.

I love my little Hoover.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Duck Stories???

Since moving into my in-laws empty house, or what I like to call the In-Law Bed and Breakfast (except there’s no breakfast, and only a bed for me and Lyric and a futon for Ryan) I’ve noticed a plethora of new animals. At my old house, there were squirrels. I fed the squirrels, which attracted a lonely chipmunk who lived under the shed, a baby bunny, and sometimes raccoons at night.

At the In Law Bed and Whatever, there are ducks. The ducks are LOUD. They quack and quack and chase each other all over the backyard. There is a barnyard and pond next door, and I guess the reason that the ducks are still around in February in the cold Pennsylvania winter is because they’ve got a cozy pond and Ryan’s grandmother feeds them, along with the wild turkeys and squirrels (she’s like me). Ryan has seen the giant wild turkeys, but I have yet to see them. And the squirrels! There’s not only grey squirrels, but RED ones! Unfortunately, Ryan’s dad shot one of the red ones. Thankfully he doesn’t live with me, or I’d smack him upside the head for KILLING a squirrel.

I digress. So yeah, the ducks. Every morning there they are, rummaging through the backyard for the seeds and corn that Ryan’s grandma (who lives downstairs) puts out for them, just quacking like crazy. There’s a big grey goose who gives orders. Yesterday Ryan and I witnessed the ducks ganging up on one duck and pecking the crap out of it, until the ruckus was broken up by the grey goose.

This morning I caught these pictures of the ducks… they’re not great because it was still kind of dark out, but you can see the goose that bosses everyone around.

That's him.

On top of the ducks, there are horses, a goat, and chickens (including a rooster that crows at all hours) living next door. On occasion the chickens are in the backyard too.

I’m surrounded.

If you read my blog regularly, you probably have a pretty good gauge of what my personality is like. I’m pretty open and honest about myself here. So go here and tell me what you think are some of my personality traits. And if you’re just a lurker, say hi in my comments.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Monday Confessional

I’ll always have fond memories of K-Mart. It’s the first place I went after giving birth to Lyric. After being cooped up in the snowy winter for a week and a half with no communication with the outside world and no ability to drive, my mom took me to an appointment at the hospital (the last place I wanted to go back to) with the lactation consultant. Afterward, she, Lyric, and I went to K-Mart. I was as exhilarated as you possibly could be hobbling around a discount department store with a stitched up hoo-ha. I’ll always think of K-Mart with the warm and fuzzies now.

I “dated” Ryan in high school. Meaning we talked on the phone a few times. Having just been dumped by a guy who turned out to be gay years down the road, a girl at my lunch table hooked me up with my future husband. I was 14, he was 15, and I thought, “hmm, here’s someone I could possibly lose my virginity to.” I was all about getting rid of that pesky virginity back then. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite work out that way. Ryan wasn’t allowed to ask me out on a date, not to mention the fact that “I didn’t know your last name!”and I ended up losing my virginity to his locker partner. Before all that went down I looked him up in the phone book (because I DID know his last name) and found his address and made my mom drive around looking for his house. I never told him that story. I never found his house back then either, but funnily enough, that’s where I live now. I also wrote something in my diary (which I still have) to the effect of, “Ryan Hayes, (which is NOT the correct spelling of his last name and that drives him nuts) what a DORK!” But that’s only because he stopped calling me.

Sometimes I put Lyric in front of the television so I can get shit done. Thank you, Baby Einstein.

I’m afraid she’ll find out about me. The REAL me. Then I won’t be the Mother Superior. I’m quite the opposite. Even worse, I’m afraid she’ll BE like me. The thought makes me sweat. That’s why she’s NOT going to Catholic school. Catholic school be damned.

We're getting our tax return this week. That extra grand you get for having a kid is such a nice perk, and I can't stop thinking of ways to spend it, even though we're supposed to be saving it for the down payment on our house. I'm addicted to shopping.

And back to TMI... Yesterday morning Ryan and I finally resumed the thing that got us into the predicament that no longer allowed us to do the thing that we did... are you following this? Anyway, Ryan tackled me, and after thinking about just jumping up and walking out of the room for fear of the pain, embarrassment of the way my body looks, and just sheer rustiness, I gave in. It was scary and kind of hurt, but that was to be expected, since I DID have the same amount of stitches in that area as someone who has had their leg sewn back on. Needless to say, I was glad I finally got it over with, and I'm sure Ryan was even happier. Even though it wasn't up to par with the normal stuff, I'm sure it will get there with practice... and I still couldn't wipe the smile off my face for most of the morning. I was almost embarrassed to face Lyric afterward, who was being such a good girl and sitting quietly in her bouncy chair... watching television...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Fridays are for TMI

It’s been a year to the day since I’ve had a period. Sweet! Here’s hoping for at least another year of no PMS, cramps, and unsightly hormonal breakouts.

I haven’t had sex in 11 weeks. I’m practically a virgin again. Although I’ve had quite a few sex dreams about my husband lately, which is very disconcerting when I wake up next to my baby who is hoovering my whole entire boob into her mouth while my husband sleeps on the couch.

My baby pooped twice last night. Wiping poop out of baby fat rolls should be a Real World/Road Rules challenge.

My boobs are extremely leaky today… thank goodness for Johnson and Johnson nursing pads, or my Old Navy half zip fleece would be as sticky and crusty (I told you it was TMI!) as the AC/DC shirt that I slept in last night.

My stomach has deflated quite a bit, but now I have this beautiful, saggy, stretch mark covered paunch where my baby used to live. It’s like my stomach is trying to be flat, but there’s just too much skin for it to be feasible.

Mondays are for confessions… stay tuned!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Three Alarm E-Lo

I stayed home yesterday. I felt crappy, in fact, I still feel pretty crappy today.

I’ve never called 911 in my life. Yesterday, Ryan did.

We thought our house was on fire.

Good thing I stayed home too. Lyric and I were lounging on the couch. She was eating/napping, I was watching reruns of SNL on E! and for a second I caught a whiff of something funny.

“Smells like something burning,” I thought.

Then the smell suddenly got stronger.

“Definitely smells like something is on fire… oh SHIT.” I said that last part because I glanced over at the kitchen and saw that it was full of smoke. I grabbed Lyric and ran to the kitchen, thinking that maybe the oven was on or something was smoldering on one of the burners. Nothing, but the smell was terrible.

I ran to get Ryan, who was in the shower. “Something is burning!” “What?” I never saw anyone jump out of a shower and get dressed so fast in my life. He was out the door and downstairs to his grandma’s in a split second. I put Lyric down in her bouncer and started trying to sniff out the source of the smoke. It was coming from the heating ducts in the floor.

Ryan’s grandma followed him upstairs and confirmed what I already knew, “Oh, it IS smoky up here!” Yeah, I didn’t notice! Great observation!

It took about 3 minutes of looking and not finding anything for Ryan to call his parents (it IS their house, after all) THEN 911. He turned to me and said, “pack up the baby and go to your moms, I just called the fire department.” Cue the screech of the volunteer fire department whistle the next road down.

I threw clothes on as fast as I could while Ryan was packing Lyric up into her car seat. In a matter of about 60 seconds, we were out the door, only to see the volunteer fire department truck passing our road. They were quick, but not very precise.

By the time I pulled the van out of the driveway, they had realized their mistake and were pulling into our road.

I drove off laughing at our luck. It’s always SOMETHING.

Two more volunteer fire departments responded to our call. The funny thing was, nothing was on fire. The oil furnace in the basement was malfunctioning. Who knows how long it would have taken to start a fire though.

I was back home within 3 hours with no harm done except for a faint oil furnace smell to the house.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Tuesday Fun

In keeping with this week's celebration of being Super Bowl Champs...

Some people say that my dear husband Ryan looks like Ben Roethlisberger. I kind of see it, but not really.

What do you think?

Monday, February 06, 2006

But it's been no bed of roses, no pleasure cruise...I consider it a challenge before the whole human race... and I ain't gonna lose

If there was ever any doubt...

And we can't forget the losers...

So sorry... but when you get cut you don't bleed black and gold like we do. MEOW!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Friday exclamations

The other day my friend Rob said, “E-Lo, can I subscribe to your blog via an RSS feed? I didn't see the link on your page.”

Being a tech-tard (that’s the PC word for it) I dumbly said, “Uhhh… errrr… what the fuck does that mean?” I mean, I’ve heard of RSS, but I had no idea exactly what it was or how to use it.

So I done learned myself all about it, mmm hmm. And now look!!! Over there in my sidebar, under my flickr badge… I have an RSS feed linky thingy (the technical term)! Now you can subscribe to my blog! And I even made it a blinky link, because I learned how to make animations this week using photoshop and in design, thanks to one of my fellow disgruntled co-workers! Maybe I’m not so tech-tarded after all!

Exclamations points every where!!! Weeee!

I’m feeling so much better today. I’m sure you can probably tell. It’s Friday, the job isn’t sucking quite as bad today, I’m wearing black and gold, AND I’m having the rare Good Hair Day.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Thanks for the hugs everyone. Well, yesterday didn’t prove to be any better until I got home from work. My job is sucking the life out of me. I absolutely hate it at the moment. I was in an hour and a half meeting yesterday about how to get the mail. That’s right. The fucking MAIL.

Needless to say, I’m just trying to get through it moment by moment, and in the meantime, search for something new and or better. Unfortunately, because of where I live, opportunities don’t come a knockin’ at the drop of a hat (that’s why I worked for almost 2 years at Target). So I’ve got to keep trudging along until that day comes.

To add to my piss poor attitude this week, I have no plans for the Superbowl. That’s right. No plans. I can’t even hang out with my parents, because they’re going out for it.

Gah. I’ve felt like the loneliest, most pissed off mommy in the whole world this week. I expected to have a bit more of a social life now that I’m not pregnant, but it’s totally the opposite. The only semblance of normal conversation I have is with the people I work with. Even with Ryan most of the time he’s calling me mommy and I’m calling him daddy (but not in a dirty way by any means) and talking in third person. I used to hate hearing his cell phone ring constantly but now I sort of miss it.

On top of all that I have to live in someone else’s house that is cluttered with their fucking junk. Ryan’s mom’s house is dirty, terrible, and full of SHIT. I’ve never seen so many knick knacks all crowded into one tiny little space. I never noticed exactly how many knick knacks they had until I had to live there. I hope we find a house soon.

Let’s see… what else can I vent about? Well, there’s a lot more but I don’t want to go into it here since people I know personally read this (no offense to you guys). Some things are just better left private, I guess.

Right. Could be worse. The one ray of sunshine in my life right now is my chubby little daughter. She’s so purty…see?

At least I make good looking kids.