Friday, June 30, 2006
Here's my little family, last weekend at the wedding we went to. And yeah, we're all wearing purple. For the five-hundredth time, we didn't mean to! Ryan's mom and dad were also wearing purple, so you can imagine the comments.
So anyway, family is my theme lately, obviously. With everything I've been going through lately, having a baby, dealing with my brother in the hospital, buying a house in the same town that I grew up in... it all makes me think about family and why it's so important to me. I have such strong ties to my family, my mom and dad and brother, and so does Ryan to his family.
Now that I have a baby I could never leave here. The fact that I'm going to have a 30 year mortgage soon also kind of concretes my feet to the ground, but nevertheless, this is where I'm staying. I constantly ask myself why. Why is it so important for me to hang on to this place, or to be around the people who put me here? And the only reason I have is love. There is so much love in my family. I couldn't ask for more.
A good friend of mine told me once that it's not where you are, it's who you're with that matters. That has stuck with me through the years. I've seen my friends pack up and leave here, looking for bigger and better things, and I admire their bravery, because it's something that I don't have. What I do have though is a warm and fuzzy feeling of being close to the people I care about, and knowing that at the drop of a dime, I can be here if someone needs me, and vice versa.
Being with my family this week has really made me think about things. My brother was also on his way out of town, on to his adventure away from small town life, and we are all so proud of what he's accomplished. He may not make it there on the time table that he wanted to, but he'll make it there regardless, because he has a family that loves and supports him, no matter what.
And that's what is important.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
This is what gets me through each day. I don't know how I did it before she came along. Isn't she just gorgeous with the vibrant hair?
Good news: My bro was awake last night and coherent. I'm going to visit him today, so hopefully he'll be awake when I'm there. No surgery is required, he just needs to heal up. Yay.
Other good news: I finally got a job, thanks to a good friend of mine who was in desperate need of help at the place that she works. So I'll be continuing on in my line of work (graphic design), but I'll be much closer to home, which is good. The only bad thing about the job is that there are no benefits, but at least it's full time and I'm not 25 miles away.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
This is still what my brother looks like. My friend Jim told me to tell him that chicks dig scars, but his cute face is still as cute as ever.
Still waiting, although things have become more stable. His spleen seems to be healing up on it's own, his labs are normal, he was running a fever yesterday and today his tempature is down, so everything is looking better. Yesterday he was on a respirator to help with his breathing and today he's breathing on his own, good good good.
I haven't been down there yet today but I've been playing phone tag with my mom. I've called so many people that I've never talked to before, including his girlfriends mom (I didn't even know he had a girlfriend), his work, and other strangers. I have his cell phone and it keeps beeping at me with messages that I can't answer.
But I'm encouraged. So that's good.
Monday, June 26, 2006
He was taken to a hospital in Pittsburgh that has a great trauma unit, and right now is under heavy sedation in the neuro-intensive care unit. So far we know that he has:
a fractured skull, a punctured lung, a ruptured spleen, a broken pelvis, and some cuts and bruises, and probably some other broken bones/parts that we don't know about yet.
It's never a dull moment around these parts.
My brother, who is going to school to be a chef, is scheduled to do an externship at a fabulous Southern resort in September. So keep him in your thoughts/prayers that he actually gets to do that. I think he will.
He and his friend were hit by another car. My brother was the passenger, and his side of the car was the one struck. His friend who was driving was thrown from the car and is in a coma right now. We met his family and they were wonderful people, so keep them in your thoughts too.
I was supposed to have a 30th birthday party for Ryan on Saturday, and that plan is now out. Needless to say, I won't be around much this week, cause I'm not sure what's going on, which way is up, and right now I feel more sleep deprived than I did 7 months ago when I brought Lyric home.
Friday, June 23, 2006
That's right. Lyric is officially 7 months. That means I've kept her thriving for over half a year. I'm good, what can I say?
In the past month or so I've seen a dramatic change in my daughter. I used to be a little scared to take her out in public, not because she's embarrassing or has warts on her face or anything, but because she had the tendency to get fussy and I used to be one of those childless people who wanted to jump off a cliff when someone's baby started screaming in public. Now that I'm a mom, when I hear a baby crying in public, my immediate reaction is that I want to help. But I restrain myself because if I ran to pick up a screaming baby that wasn't mine, I'd probably get myself beat up. People tend to dislike when strangers touch their baby. I should know.
These days when we go out, Lyric is all smiles. She's such a charmer. And a flirt! We went to Target the other day, and all my old co-workers were there, so we stopped and said hi to everyone. She was grinning ear to ear and showing off her teeth the whole time.
Tonight I will take her to a Catholic church for the first time ever. If my grandmother was alive, she'd probably smack me because I haven't had Lyric baptized. Then she'd smack me because I'm no longer Catholic. Anyway, we're not going for mass, but for a wedding rehearsal that Ryan is a part of. He's doing a reading, and I find that funny, because he's not Catholic, never has been, and is not even vaugely religious. Yesterday he bought a sticker for our van that says "what would Ozzy do?" Seriously. But tomorrow is a Catholic wedding and that will be the test for my girl. If she can hold out during that, she might be able to bring about world peace. We'll see.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
17 days until I close on my house. Not that I'm counting.
Monday, June 19, 2006
There have been a lot of days, since my daughter was born, that I've thought about my grandmother, Henrietta. How much I wish that she was around, how much I wish I knew her. My memories of her are still strong, and she's been gone 17 years.
I can't fathom how much she would have taught me as a woman, and as a mother. She was the mother of six children. She lost three of them during her lifetime.
In my mind she's like an angel. She is everything that I want to be. She was so strong, so determined, and so devoted as a wife and mother. She was chasing after 6 children, strangling and plucking chickens for dinner, pulling potatoes out of the earth to boil, scrubbing clothes with a washboard, all the while with curlers in her hair and cigarette in her mouth. But as a grandmother she was so soft and gentle.
I miss her.
I hope that even a fraction of her spirit is a part of me.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Happy Fathers Day Daddy!
These are the days you'll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it, you'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky. It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.These are the days you'll remember. When May is rushing over you with desire to be part of the miracles you see in every hour.You'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky. It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you. These are days. These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break. These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face. And when you do you'll know how it was meant to be. See the signs and know their meaning. It's true, you'll know how it was meant to be. Hear the signs and know they're speaking to you, to you.
Friday, June 16, 2006
My daughter, passed out on Sunday at Starr's niece's first birthday party. Too much boob juice and puffs will do that to you.
I've been a really lazy blogger these days, but I think it's that time of year. Plus I have plenty of distractions right now. My job interview yesterday was just, well, weird. I don't know what to think. I don't even know about the job. Of course I felt that way about my current job, so who knows. All I know is that my unemployment is almost out, and I have no insurance for myself, and I need money in order to actually live in my house. The house itself requires some work, and I want to do that work sooner than later.
I know that something will come along just when I need it to. That's how it always happens. Somehow you always get by.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
"What is it?"
"Sangria that Starr made."
"Is that like the Sublime song?"
"That's Santeria you jackass."
I haven't stopped craving it since. It is like crazy voodoo juice! What did you put in that shit, crack?
Ok. Whew. It's only 7:00 AM. So our house inspection went FAMOUSLY. We were met by this little nerdy guy who looked like he should have been working on my computer. We have a teeny bit of termite damage, but that will be taken care of by the bank (the house is bank owned cause it was a repo). Eventually we'll have to replace the roof (like 5-10 years), we need new fixtures on the kitchen sink, and the furnace is short cycling, but other than that, we're golden. We have one more inspection to get through, this one is an FHA inspection, cause that's the kind of loan we're getting, and those are a little tougher. Whatever this guy says we have to fix, we have to go in and fix like NOW.
We met the neighbor across the alley, Anna, who seemed very nice. She has a husband and a 10 year old son, and a very nice swimming pool. They have fires and like to drink, so my initial though was that we'll fit in quite nicely. Then I told my mom her last name, and she was all, "OH MY GOD! That's my friend from work!" So Anna and my mom were buddies before my mom retired. Of course my mom got on the horn and called her right away.
Our house at one time had a pool, and Anna claims that one of the real estate people came and took it. Our agent claimed that the liner was ripped, so they removed it, but she says that there was nothing wrong with it. Jerks. Now we have to spend 300 bucks to put our own pool up (next summer). I figure why not, there' s already a nice sand ring that's leveled off in the yard. Ryan wants to put a garage there, but why do you need a garage when you could have a pool?
So yeah, we're a little closer to home ownership. I'm feeling good today, even though I have to drag my ass in to my pathetic little job this morning. But ain't no thing.
Monday, June 12, 2006
The good thing about this house is that it's basically an apartment building. The upstairs is seperate from the downstairs. The only way you can get downstairs is to actually go outside and down the stairs. Which is a pain in the ass when it's raining and you have to do laundry, but beggars can't be choosers, or so they say.
So the in-laws are moving into the downstairs apartment, and soon my life will involve a lot more of spending time with them. They told me this morning, "there's no rush for you to move!"
I beg to differ.
Fingers crossed. Tonight is our first inspection on our hopefully soon-to-be-ours house.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Good thing she's cute.
The other moms that I usually spend my day talking to are going through the same thing, so it makes me feel less freakish that sometimes I want to pull my hair out or jump off the front porch because of her screaming for me. My back hurts from carrying her around so much, and although I feel mean doing it, I've been letting her cry.
Talk about feeling mean, I let her roll off the bed at my mom's house yesterday. Whoops. After a big scream, she was fine. I think it was more scary than anything, and I felt like crying for being so negligent (even though I only turned away from her for a second). That's even worse than when I smacked her head into the wall while carrying her. My forays into child abuse.
But what's nice is days like today, when I wake up to this:
This morning I was lying there, eyes closed, while she was squirming around, when I felt her little hand on my face. I opened my eyes and saw that goofy smile, and my day started off just right.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
He asked me why girls got periods, and being the visual learner that I am, I had to draw him a diagram. Note the dying egg that's crying "help me!" as it breaks into little pieces. And the date, 1-12-97. Whew. NINE years ago. I was 20.
Now tell me, WHY wasn't I a biology major? Oh yeah, cause I suck at math, and that's something you have to be able to do.
Greg, if you think I knew a lot about female reproduction THEN, I could tell you a lot more now.
But you don't want to know. Believe me.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
To add to the creepy factor, a HUGE squirrel jumped out of one of the big pine trees this morning and on to the roof of the back porch, which is right under the kitchen window. I was washing some dishes, and all I saw was something light colored flying though the air and then a thud.
Thankfully it was a squirrel, and not some sort of hell spawn. My heart was racing nonetheless.
Speaking of hell spawn, it's been a whole week since I posted a picture of my kid!
She really has been a devil for the past few days. I'm not sure what her problem is, but she screams when I put her down... incessantly. Yesterday, between her screaming and Ryan barking at me, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I had to retreat... into the backyard. I sat under a huge old tree and spent some time practicing Lamaze techniques. It took me a bit, but I emerged feeling a lot better. In fact, I felt a lot like my own mother. I understand her plight, because, ladies and gentlemen, I've married my father.
Don't we all.
Anyhoo, a lot has been on the line around these parts lately, but the rays of sunshine are breaking though. Our offer was accepted for our house, we were approved for our mortgage, and now all we've got to get through are some pretty rigorous home inspections. As long as those go ok, we're golden, and our closing will be July 7th.
Keeping my fingers crossed still.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
I still have about 15 or so pounds to go on my weight loss, but I can tell you that I do fit into my old pants.
I will tell you without hesitation that the pants that I'm wearing here are a size 18. And that's what I was wearing in March. Clicking on the picture will give you a full sized view of plus sized me. And yeah, that's David Bowie from the Labryinth on my shirt. Sweet!
Now I'm a size 12, and still going.
I be skinny soon!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Hi. How are you? You look good today, but that's just because I have you pulled up. It's been a while since we really saw eye to eye. Before I pulled you up, you were wild and all over the place, just like you always are lately.
What's going on with you? You used to be so easy to take care of. That might be because I used to have time to take care of you. Now, as Ryan says, I'm less vain, and I spend less time on you. It's not a lack of caring, just so you know.
Let's talk about your color. Yesterday I tried to make you a lovely light shade of blonde, and apparently you weren't having it. Despite my efforts, you're essentially a dull shade of blah. Don't you remember being blonde? All the fun we used to have? Those days were wonderful, and I'd like to go back there, if only you would cooperate. I know I've been abusing you, coloring you in April, highlighting you in May, and coloring you yet again yesterday. You're so dry and damaged that I had to shell out 28 bucks plus tax and shipping for this. Was it worth it? For you, anything.
You know I love you, right? Please just start cooperating with me. That's all I ask. I won't cut you all off, but you know I'll keep the split ends away. I'll keep you clean and smelling like figs, thanks to Chaz Dean's $28 cleansing conditioner. You'll always be styled, and that's where I need your cooperation. I know it's hot and humid, but just work with me here. Please?
Thursday, June 01, 2006
The other good news is, I think I have a job opportunity. I think it will be more or less a type of supplemental income, but I'm waiting to see what happens. Plus I'd be working from home. That would mean I'll have to buy a new computer. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Things are shaping up. The universe works in funny ways.
Last night I had dreams about one of my ex-boyfriends, who (in my dream) was doing bong hits with Ryan. I woke up with a splitting headache, almost as if I had a hangover. My kid was wide awake beside me, gabbing away and letting out unimaginable farts.
It's going to be a good day.
*I almost forgot the best part! Yesterday I was shopping with my mom, and I tried pants on... I fit into a size 12, which was my pre-pregnancy size! I wore a 10 in some things too, so if I can get there, I'll be golden. Yay!