Monday, August 22, 2005

Uterus on Legs

No, I’m not talking about myself. I’m talking about the highly disturbing show that I saw on TLC the other day called “14 Children and Pregnant Again!” I don’t know if any of you have seen this fine piece of insanity, but let me tell you, it’s like a car wreck. You just have to watch.

The show is about a family from Arkansas, who incidentally, have 15 kids. And yes, they all have the same mother. And father. I was awed for the first 5 minutes, mainly because I was distracted by the way everyone was dressed and the hair! The horror of the HAIR! The boys dress in matching polos and khakis, and the girls dress in hideous homemade potato sacks in varying patterns of plaids or solids. If this wasn’t appalling enough, Mom was pregnant with number 15. Apparently their philosophy was to have as many children as “the Lord would give them.”

Just out of curiosity, I decided to figure out how much of the mom’s life was spent with child. 11.25 years. ELEVEN YEARS BEING PREGNANT! She could have given birth to 5 and a half elephants, and at this point could probably do so without batting an eye. Kids probably just fall out of her at this point.

Obviously this family is extremely religious. They’re evangelical Christians, whatever that means. They don’t believe in birth control, because according to their family website, they were on the pill for the first 4 years of their marriage, decided to conceive, gave birth to their son, and went back on the pill. Then the woman had a miscarriage. They took that as a sign from God that they were being punished for denying his gifts. Since then they make babies every time they hit the hay.

I don’t have a problem with people who have religious convictions unless it makes them unable to interact with society as normal human beings. All of the kids are home schooled by Mom, and they are only allowed to socialize with “approved” children from their church. That means that they too, will marry other kids from their church and procreate many, many times. The most disturbing part of the program for me was watching the interviews with the 5 girls in the family. They all expressed a desire to get married and have as many children as God would give them. None of them had interests besides that. Even the youngest girl, who I think was 4 years old, said she wanted “about 14 kids.” Appalling. No interest in careers or education.

Another appalling part of the show was their trip to the grocery store. I shouldn’t even say Aldi’s is a grocery store, it’s basically the lowest grade, cheapest food you can get anywhere. I don’t knock it too much because in my poor days I’ve shopped there, but seriously. They spent over 800 dollars on cartons of cheese curls and cans of green beans. Then the most icky part, they showed how to make their family favorite, tator tot casserole, which looked like the most unhealthy thing ever invented. I’d rather eat at Burger King than to ingest a casserole filled with ground turkey, cream of mushroom soup, and 12 pounds of TATOR TOTS. It makes my stomach churn just thinking about it.

And for your enjoyment, the recipe:

2 lb ground turkey cooked, seasoned, drained
3 2lb bags tator tots
2 cans cream of mushroom
2 cans evaporated milk
2 cans cream of chicken
Brown meat & place in large cass. dish.
Cover with tator tots. Mix soup & milk together.
Pour over top. Bake at 350 for 1 Hour.
(One of Daddy’s Favorites!) Makes 2- 9”X13” pans

Since I was so struck by this family, I decided to look them up, and in doing so found out some interesting facts:

All the girls make their own potato sack dresses, while all the boys clothes come from the Salvation Army. Modesty is the biggest part of their outfits, which is why the girls get their bathing suits from this place.

They don’t believe in accruing debt, because according to the Bible, “Owe no man anything but to love one another.” This is how they are able to afford their family of 17 AND build a gigantic new 7000 square foot home with 10 bathrooms. Their current house has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Can you even imagine?

And the kicker. As of June, the family announced that they were pregnant AGAIN, and have a new show coming out documenting this.

And the dad’s name is Jimbob. Yes, I said Jimbob.

All of this makes me look forward to getting on the strongest birth control pill possible when I have Fuzzball.

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