For some reason lately, I’ve been thinking about people from my past. A lot of those people are people I met in my first couple years of college. One of the people I wondered about was one of my old roommates, Jen, who incidentally, turned out to be the most psycho roommate that I ever had.
I met Jen my sophomore year. She was a freshman and the roommate that I got stuck with. I thought we’d start off on a good foot. I tried to become her buddy, since she didn’t know anyone. That worked well for a while, until I noticed that Jen got sick all the time. She slept a lot and called her mom, a psychiatrist, daily to prescribe her medicine. I became fairly certain that not only was she a hypochondriac, but also had an eating disorder, because she never ate. I still tried to include her in everything, inviting her to parties (these were the days that I went to parties Wednesday through Sunday with my friend Kevin). I even gave her my parking pass so she could park in the lot next to our building, because freshmen had to park in the hell lot a million miles down the hill.
Things really started taking a turn for the worse with Jen right after Halloween. Lucky for me, I had met up with some guys from Butler who were freshman that I became friends with, Greg, Bill and Kevin. (Hi guys. They read this. Well, maybe Kev doesn’t. Fuck you, Biff.) But anyway, as Jen pushed me away and even became slightly hostile with me and more and more possessive of her stuff (“don’t let anyone sleep in my bed!” “no, you can’t use my computer!”) I started to annoy her by bringing those guys to our room and hanging out. The turning point was the infamous “soda” incident. Greg was bouncing a ball in our room, it went awry, hit her cup of Pepsi, which spilled on her desk and on the floor. Greg, being the good guy he was, apologized profusely and started cleaning it up. Jen, who was on the phone with her mom, probably getting her laxative presciption refilled, started cussing “they just spilled my FUCKING SODA.” Uh, Jen, honey, you’re in Western Pennsylvania. It’s POP.
After the episode with the fucking soda, I knew I was pretty much done with Jen. She announced shortly after that she was moving into a single room, which was just fine with me. I got a new roommate, Heather, who was also a little psycho, but in a likeable, goth girl kind of way. I asked Jen for my parking pass back and she continued to park in the lot by our building. Every single day she got a ticket until the day that public safety told her she could no longer park on campus. Somehow she took this to be my fault. Well, it was true that in a fit of annoyance, I had taken one of her parking tickets, but that wouldn’t have gotten her kicked off campus. She did that on her own. She told the RA that I was sabotaging her and refused to look me in they eye anymore. But I didn’t care. All I ever did was try to be nice to her, introduce her to people, and include her in stuff. She was rude to me for 3 months and it was my turn to be rude right back. And believe me, my fair peeps, if you piss E-Lo off, you are gonna get yours. And she did.
Jen dropped out at the end of the spring semester, so thankfully I never had to look at her weasly face again. But sometimes I wonder where she is now, and how a person like her survives in the real world, if she couldn’t even hack living in a dorm full of 18 to 21 year old girls. I also wonder if she ever accomplished following in her mothers footsteps and became a psychologist, or if she sought out her own psychologist. I suppose I’ll never know. But then again, should I really care?
I want to hear your psycho roommate story now.
Here’s my hair as of this morning. I still look a little puffy eyed and my hair has got a lot of bounce since I just washed it.