Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Behold, The Wrath of E-Lo

Yay! I have my first official beatdown for my blog! It’s amazing that it’s the first, as I deal with the public and it’s a guarantee that at least one person pisses me off daily. Here goes:

Do not call me at work and ask me to be your personal shopper. That’s why man created a little thing called transportation. Today, this guy calls me in the toy department (which is not my department, but as no one else was able to get the call, I had to cover) and I immediately recognized his weasly little voice. He is a collector – a species so undesired in my store that they are avoided like the black death. They are pathetic little people with one track minds. Collectors are the lowest form of life in retail, they have no lives, other than collecting. For instance, every morning, at 7:55 (we open at 8) there is a group of at least 3 men who wait eagerly for our doors to open so they can run back to toys to see what new Hot Wheels cars came in that day. GROWN men. They obviously don’t work. How can Hot Wheels consume you? They’ll be worth, what, 2 bucks in 10 years? Get a life.

So this guy on the phone starts asking me about these new football figures we just got in, McFarlanes NFL Sportspicks. He called yesterday, from what he tells me. Once again, get in your car and drive, mister.

Here’s the gist of the conversation:
Evil Collector: Do you have Torry Holt?
Me: Let me check…(I put the phone down and run to the next aisle to look)… Yes.
Evil Collector: Do you have Steve McNair?
Me: (repeating the cycle with a sigh)…yes.
Evil Collector: How about….(at this point I’m getting very irritated. I don’t mind helping people out, but seriously, don’t ask me about every single item in the store, especially when it comes to football toys.
This went on for a few more minutes. Finally:
Evil Collector: What color jersey is Torry Holt wearing?
I wanted to say: Are you fucking serious? How much of a jerkoff can you possibly be that you are concerned with what color outfits football dolls are wearing?
He continued with asking what color outfits each and every doll we had in stock was wearing. I was fuming. Like I had time for this.
Then he asked for something else completely, and the price. He then had me put THAT item on hold, after all I went through with the little football dolls.
I asked the service desk to let me know when the guy came in to pick up his item, figuring he’s probably go back to toys to make sure I wasn’t lying to him. What’dya know, an hour later they called to let me know he was on his way back to the toy department.
I spotted him right away in the aisle. He was an older man, maybe 50-ish, wearing sweatpants and a greasy t-shirt with a flannel, the universal uniform of the collector. He had a pinched squinty expression on his round little face as he pondered which football player to buy. I followed him around and wished him extraordinary beatdowns. Seriously. Get a job.
Now that I’m not at work or pissed off anymore, I feel bad for this little man. I’m sure he gets some gratification in collecting these things. It’s just kind of sad and pathetic. It’s fine to have a hobby, but like I said, my job is to help people out in the store, not shop for them over the phone. He wasted a good 10 minutes of my time. Some people have inconceivable nerve.
Sorry about my bitterness. But can you relate?

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