Monday, June 27, 2005

A weekend of shorty shorts...



This was the scene yesterday in downtown Butler, at Cruise-A-Palooza. Yeah, that’s really what it’s called. We also recently had Parts-A-Rama, and I’m sure that the North Washington rodeo is coming up. And now you know why we don’t have gay pride parades here (but if we did I'm sure they'd be called Gay-A-Rama or Homo-Palooza or something like that).

Anyway, the weekend was full of fun filled events that served to remind me that my body no longer functions as a normal, healthy human body should. Aside from the fact that it was 90 plus degrees all weekend, there were many physical activities that I tried to partake in that just weren’t happening for my body. Number 1, moving our friends. I didn’t plan on helping much, but I didn’t want to not help either. But after a couple trips up 3 flights of stairs carrying only a couple of light bags, boxes, lamps, and cats, my heart was pounding and I was wheezing like I’d smoked 2 packs of cigarettes the night before. This was my first taste of realizing that I could no longer do what normal people do. After the moving we did a little swimming, which was nice, but my body couldn’t have felt weirder immersed in water. I tried to swim a little bit, but I felt like my belly just wanted to pull me to the bottom of the pool. I had to strain my neck to keep my face above the water. After swimming maybe 8 feet I was forced to try and catch my breath yet again. That night we went to the drive in, where I couldn’t stay awake to finish the last 20 minutes of The Longest Yard, which looked really good from what I saw through my heavy eyelids. I did see Batman Begins, which I thought started off terribly but ended on a high note.

Yesterday we tried to walk Main Street for the Cruise-A-Palooza, (I kept chanting under my breath on the way there “croooooooo-ZA, paaaaa-LOOOOOO-ZA!”) something I think I’ve done maybe once before in my 28 years as a resident of Butler County. By the time we reached Main Street, which was maybe 4 blocks from where we parked, I was huffing and puffing and sweating profusely. When I say profusely, I mean there was sweat running down my face and dripping off my chin. Everywhere I looked, people looked hot, but nobody was sweating their ass off like I was. We walked maybe another 4 blocks and I had to leave. I felt like I was dying. And the thing that made me feel terrible was that I saw tons (literally) of pregnant women walking the street. Whatever, bitches. It took me a long time to cool down in the car, and when we got home I passed right out and slept for an hour. God.

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Ryan and I had to stop at Walmart yesterday, which was a good day to do it, since all the yahoos were at the ‘palooza. Here’s a small example of our relationship. Ryan sees a woman wearing practically nothing, and points her out to me. We both ogle and giggle and go about our business. Sometimes, if it’s a really outrageous looking woman, we can’t stop talking about it. Case in point, yesterday. Ryan saw this woman walk past and hissed “Buddy! Did you see that woman’s boobs?”


I turned around and saw the woman he was referring to, in the shortest shorts that you can imagine.


“Nope, but I see her ass right now.”


“Oh my god, you should have seen them. I don’t know how she was holding them in her shirt.”
We continue shopping and 20 minutes later are checking out in the garden section. I notice Ryan behaving strangely. I stare at him for a minute and say, “What’s wrong?”

Strange hissing noises.

“Huh?”

More strange hissing noises.

I thought he was having some sort of convulsion over the grills that we were standing next to, so I ignored him and stared straight ahead. That’s when I noticed the woman from earlier, from the front. My eyes about popped out of my head and I decided that maybe they were trying to do an impression of her very new looking breasts that were popping out of her tight white tank which was covering a bikini top. I turned around to face Ryan, who still had the strange look on his face.

“OH… holy shit.”

He started laughing and I turned back around. I could not believe this woman’s boobs. They looked like they hurt. They weren’t only immense, but they were puffy and bruised looking, and being squashed down by the tank top. Ladies, you know how it is when you try on a bra that’s too small and it kind of cuts your boob in half, right? That’s what this woman’s boobs looked like. Except the parts that were sticking out were almost touching her chin. I looked around at the other men in line, but nobody was even looking in her direction. I wanted to jump up and down and point and yell, “look at those things!”

Ryan and I talked about her long after we had gotten in the van and started down the road. We got on the subject of how his boss gets in trouble for even glancing at women. His wife sounds extremely insecure, which I can’t figure out because she’s beautiful. I find it odd that women get so jealous about their men checking out other women. I know Ryan is going to do it whether I like it or not, and I’d rather have him point it out to me than try to keep it under wraps. There have been a few times that I playfully smacked him upside the head for looking at girls, but for the most part he’ll point someone out to me and vice versa. And I know that if I notice a girl, I’ll look over and he’ll be looking too. It cracks me up.

Is it just me?

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Oh, and thanks to everyone that tried to help me out with html stuff last week. I think I have all the bugs worked out finally! Thanks!

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And a new picture of the belly is up. Just a warning...

And make sure to go wish Shalini a happy birthday! She only has 34 more days of being preggo!

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