That's what I've felt like lately. But I read something today that I totally agreed with:
"If you don't love what you do and look forward to doing it, that means you are condemning yourself to a life of discontent."
To me, a job is something you do because you have to do it. Otherwise it wouldn't be called a job. If you love doing it, well then, that's just a bonus, because not many people can honestly say they love their jobs. I know one person who loves his job (Greg) and I would love to be able to say that. But I've never been able to say that. I can look back on some jobs that I've had in the past and say that they were definitely not as bad as the job I have now. I can look back a year ago at my job and say it wasn't as bad then as it is now.
But the only person who can do something about it is me. Same with Ryan and his discontent with his job. He hates his job more than I hate mine. Go figure, since it's been 100 degrees out the past three days and he works with hot asphalt all day.
I don't like spending the day doing something I don't like, being abused and belittled watching my co-workers be abused and belittled by our boss, and not having any time to spend on me time, or with my baby, and having to do everything around the house because by the time my husband gets home he's exhausted and I'm the only one who gets anything done, which is amazing in itself because all day long I never stop moving.
I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past 2 weeks. I have no motivation right now. Just writing this is taxing my brain.
I just found this article about how to cope with your job if you hate it. There is no mention of excessive drinking. That's how I coped with working at Target! It worked! It really did!
I also found an article about workplace bullying, which can be defined as repeated "verbal abuse, behavior that's threatening, intimidating or humiliating, or work interference." And that's what I deal with. I can tell people over and over again what it's like, but nobody would really believe that it's as bad as I say.
Oh, but it is. Worse than the last time I went back to work and was a glorified mail clerk. Worse than the time before that when I had to repeatedly lift 27 inch televisions into the trunks of rude peoples' cars. Worse than working at Walmart at the service desk and dealing with people trying to return a broken toaster that they've had for five years, complete with crumbs and all.
The question is, how do I get out of it? What do I want to do with my life? And how do I get there? I'm almost 30 and I have no retirement fund started. I don't have health insurance. My tooth has a giant crater in it. My van needs and oil change. My hair needs cut and I'm in desperate need of a pedicure.
A massage would be nice too.
Something good is bound to happen sooner or later.