Originally uploaded by Elosquirrel.
For the past few months I've really not felt like me. I blamed it on motherhood, learning this new gig as the be all end all to a pretty damn cute little girl. But there was something nagging at me that didn't feel right. My relationship with Ryan had changed, and I felt sad more often.
I started thinking that maybe PPD was rearing it's ugly head at me, but then I'd have a good day and things would feel normal. But in the past couple of weeks, I've really noticed that I'm not ME. The other day I actually thought to myself, "what the hell am I so sad about? I have SO MUCH to be happy about." I just got a new house, and while I love it, I have anxiety about it. I just got a new job, and while it's great and all, instead of being excited all I can feel is worried that it's going to suck as much as my current one. Not to mention that little beauty of mine.
Last night I took one of those depression screeners and found out that I have moderate depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Can someone pass the Lexapro please?
My major problem right now is that I don't have health insurance. And I'm still breastfeeding (those teeth remind me every. single. time.). I'm not sure what steps to take to help myself get out of this funk that I'm in.
Today when I got to my mom's house after work she and my dad were super nice to me. I told her last night on the phone what I found out, and she's dealt with the same thing. So she had a beer waiting and cheeseburgers. What can I say, the woman knows how to cheer me up.
So right now I'm in a holding pattern. Which is the direction my life has been going for the past year or so. It's almost a comfy place, but kind of like when you sleep in too late, you still want to get out of bed and do something productive.
I'm ready for that.