Sunday, October 01, 2006

E-Lo’s Top Ten Latest Search Engine Queries for Squirrel Stories

10. Stories related to perogies
I love perogies! I’m a fan of perogies! You can’t be from a Western Pennsylvanian Polish family and NOT love perogies. But alas, I don’t have any stories related to perogies, unless you count the time that I decided to make my own perogies from scratch for the first time. I was in my kitchen for 4 hours. I haven’t done it since.

9. President Bush picture in horse poop
Who WOULDN’T like to see a picture of El Diablo in horse poop? I would. But no President Bush horse poop pictures here. And believe me, I tried to find one to post.

8. Vagina Stories.
Ah, yes, the ever present mention of the word "vagina" here on my blog. And “stories” for that matter. Although I maintain the title “Squirrel Stories,” there are fewer mention of squirrels than there are of vaginas. Does that mean I'm going to change the title of my blog? No. But completely understandable search results.

7. Amputee Vagina.
Now, this one, I’m not sure I even want to know about.

6. Mom Boobs.
Again, completely understandable, as I have mom boobs and have talked at great length about them.

5. CBGB’s eat feces suicide.
Um, huh? Yeah. Only one post about CBGB’s here. But no poop eating or killing of oneself involved. I know, it’s disappointing.

4. Nippular area .
Totally related to the whole “Mom Boob” subject. Yep.

3. Fucking squirrels.
I don’t know if this is all about squirrels having sexual relations, or people talking shit on squirrels. Either way, with a title like “Squirrel Stories” of course I’m going to have all kinds of hits from people searching about squirrels. Such as…

2. Lincoln squirrel stories.
Did Lincoln have an affinity for squirrels, or was he a mortal squirrel nemesis? We may never know. And I’ll never know why that querie hit my blog, or why someone was searching it.

1. And the totally unrelated “smash fluorescent.”
It’s typically not a good idea to smash fluorescent bulbs, that much I know. But that’s all I know, and that’s probably all the person that searched for that knows. Unless they shoved that fluorscent bulb into their vagina and a squirrel came out of their ass, which in turn made them lactate all over Lincoln's face, and now I've opened a new can of worms. BOOBS!

This has been another episode of E-Lo’s Top Ten Latest Search Engine Queries for Squirrel Stories. Hope you enjoyed it.

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