Thursday, September 15, 2005

Here's where I go off about my boobs, my boobs, my boobs...

I knew that with pregnancy your body changed entirely. Some of those changes I’ve been willing to accept, some I haven’t. My belly getting big is fine, my ass getting big isn’t. But since I’ve always been on the somewhat small chested side, I was happy to finally grow some boobies.

But let me tell you, they have grown OUT OF CONTROL. They stopped growing at a certain point, which was ok with me, but then suddenly they had another growth spurt. Now it looks like I have 2 cantaloupes sitting on my chest. Make that 2 saggy cantaloupes.

This has not been friendly on my poor little boobs. They don’t know what’s happening to them, and I don’t either. One day they hurt like hell, the next day it feels like my nipples are going to pop off, and the next I have colostrum dripping out of them. They are white globes with blue veins running through them, and now they have pretty purple stretch marks and giant dark brown nipples. The boobs rest quite nicely on my belly, as if my belly was put there to be a shelf to hold them up. What happens when my belly goes away? Where will the boobs sit then?

Even though I was a smaller girl before, a simple B cup, I always thought I had cute boobs. In fact, I’d say that they were one of my better body parts. They were perky and cute with little pink nipples that were perfectly round. I didn’t mind showing them off. Most of my friends, male and female, have seen my naked boobs.

I wouldn’t DREAM of showing anyone my pregnant boobs (except Ryan of course, since he seems to appreciate and yet fear them). They’ve morphed from little and cute to monstrous and mutated. Yesterday I was suffering from nipple discomfort. I finally decided to check it out and found that my left nipple had leaked and left a weird yellow stain in my white bra and I had a crusty slime trail over my nipple. See, NOT CUTE!

Even the look and shape of my nipples are disconcerting. Like I said, before they were little and pink. Perfectly girly. Now they’re brown and have grown to the size of dinner plates. I realize they do this so that it’s easier for your infant to find them when it’s time to eat, but HOLY SHIT.

And instead of perky, they’re saggy. Sometime I feel the need to just hold them up off of my belly.

I think part of the reason my boobs have grown so much is because they’ve grown their own brains. That is the only logical reason for their behavior. They totally do whatever it is they want to do. I’m surprised that they just don’t take off and max out my credit cards or steal my van and head to Mexico.

I do have some kick ass cleavage now though. But it’s a high price to pay, because they’ll never be little and cute and perky again. Just like the rest of my body, they will be forever changed from this. But at least I know what it’s like to have big boobs. And I didn’t even have to pay for surgery.

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