I seriously considered deleting my last post, but decided against it. Sometimes it’s good to realize how crazy you feel. I’ve been doing a lot of feeling crazy lately, and writing about it helps me realize that it’s not ME, it’s my “condition.” Yes, Ryan and I are both under a lot of understandable stress, and yes, we both lash out from time to time, but we work it out. Our marriage is far from perfect, but so it everyone else’s. We were friends first and foremost, and that’s an important foundation to our relationship. So on to more important things, like how being pregnant changes how you spend the weekend.
I’ve seen a pattern emerging in the past month or so when it comes to my social life on the weekends. Friday nights we stay in, watch movies or television, and fall asleep early. A couple weeks ago, Ryan wanted to take me to see a band at some bar, something I would otherwise do, of course, but I declined. The last place I want to be is in a loud, smoky bar full of drunk people. I’d be miserable from the whole experience, the smells, the people, you name it. It takes very little to irritate me. The fact that we live in a town that has very little to do after dark besides go to the bar doesn’t make matters any easier for me. So here’s what we’ve been doing every weekend for the past month: getting up early on Saturday and going shopping. SHOPPING. Have I mentioned how much I hate shopping with my husband? We’ve been car shopping, lawn furniture shopping, clothes shopping, paint shopping, you name it. The saddest part is, we never buy anything, which makes the whole experience pretty much pointless. So it’s not really shopping at all, it’s more like traveling around a 50 mile radius to LOOK AT STUFF.
Don’t get me wrong, I like our daytrips and outings. This Saturday we went to the Grove City outlet mall. After completing a walk of the entire mall (which I’ve never done before) my back felt like it was snapping in half. But I didn’t buy one thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can only shop successfully without the prying eyes of my husband looking over my shoulder. Otherwise, it’s just not fun. It’s fun to go shopping without telling him, to sneakily buy stuff that I know he’s going to freak out about if he finds out, and to hide the shopping bags in the closet. And buying stuff online! Oh, I can shop online ALL DAY as long as I have a steady line of credit. But add Ryan to the mix and I become impotent. Shopping erectile dysfunction.
I think the part I liked most about Saturday was going to North Country Brewing for lunch. If you’re ever in Slippery Rock I’d highly recommend it, especially if you like brewpubs. I had a few sips of their beers and it was heaven. How I miss beer. It’s a cool place though, and I’ll definitely go back and try a salmon sandwich next time.
Usually after Saturdays full of shopping, I’m fairly exhausted. Sometimes we’ll get together with friends, but more often than not, Saturday nights are spent much like Friday nights, lounging on the couch. This Saturday was no exception. The weird thing about this weekend was that both nights we were in bed and asleep by 11. We are truly becoming parents. I thought I would feel a little more sadness as my former life slowly slips away, but I welcome it. I love being at home, being comfortable, and doing nothing. Sometimes I feel a slight twinge of what I might be missing, but it quickly passes as soon as I know Ryan is just as comfortable as me. I might not be that much fun to hang out with anymore, but I’m ok with that, because I don’t need to be fun anymore. I just need to be me, and being be includes a lot of selfish actions, such as napping on the couch for hours and eating chocolate. Soon my selfish time will be over, so I need as much of it as I can get.