Sunday, February 10, 2008

Frustration

Lately life has been stressing me out. It got a little better Friday, when I found out that I'm getting a 15 percent raise at work. Ryan and I talked on Thursday night, and we decided to keep Daisy. Then Friday night I ended up taking Ryan to the ER - there were walnuts in the dessert that he ate at the restaurant we went to. It's the first time in 9 long years that I've ever seen him have that bad of an allergic reaction. So he got medicated, and we got home a little after midnight.

The weekend was pretty good. Until today's frigid tempatures (below zero) made the dog NOT want anything to do with outside. Which is understandable, neither did I. She pooped all over the house, unfortunately. I cleaned each and every pile. Ryan was good enough to take her out the last time, and she came inside to poop.

"Your dog. You clean it." He said.

That was enough to put me in freak out mode.

"So I do everything with the dog? And the cat? And the baby?" Because I do. I clean the litter. I change the kid (unless I ask him to... then he does, but he has to be asked). So needless to say, the prospect of adding yet another charge to my already full plate pushed me over the edge.

"You brought her home - she's your dog."

Sigh.

I told him that we weren't keeping her if that was the case. He said his heart wouldn't be broken.

I want to keep her. I just don't want to do everything. I don't mind sharing duties... but imagine adding another baby to my "to-do" list.

My mind changes every day. I think thats why I'm frustrated, and stressed.

A lot of the time, I feel like another child in my house. Like I'm supposed to be the one learning to be responsible... like I can't make any decisions - like when to pay a bill or when to buy groceries. So how do I change things? When I want to buy a new car (and I do want to, but he says I have to wait) - why can't I do that?

I'm just kind of sick of not having things in my control. And maybe I'm just ranting after having a fight, but it makes me feel better to get it all out there.

JERK.

Ok, better now. Whew.

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