Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Through the ringer

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. It helps to know that whether I know you or not, I have a support system.

Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. And even though by the end of the day I was exhausted, I couldn't turn off my mind to sleep. When I finally did fall asleep, it was a shallow and not restful type of sleep.

I've been obviously trying to spend as much time with my family as possible for the last few days. The funeral stuff doesn't start until tomorrow, but we've been going out to my cousin's house. It's emotionally draining, of course.

For me, I've dealt with death probably too many times for a normal 28 (god, soon to be 29) year old person. I've lost all of my grandparents, another cousin from the same family, a niece, friends, a dog that I loved, and this is SO hard. Since I've become a mom, I am so much more sensitive to things like death, especially something as tragic as this. I've seen my aunt break down more than once over the last few days, and seeing it makes me weak in the knees, because as a mom, I feel her pain. I feel her loss. And it is the scariest feeling I've ever felt.

On top of everything else, yesterday was our arbitration. If you don't remember what it was about, you can find that here. I was so confident going into this, being that this is the least of my troubles this week, but after sitting there, listening to the other side, I started doubting a bit. I got scared and my confidence was shaken. I don't know what we'll do if we lose. I may end up in a mental hospital. Sers.

GOD! Sorry I'm such a fucking downer this week. But thanks for listening (reading) and supporting. Again. You guys are wonderful.

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