Tuesday, January 24, 2006

20 Things That Change After You Have A Baby

Someone posted this on the discussion board that I frequent, so I thought I’d add to it.

1. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
This is true. Every day I show her our reflection in the mirror, and I just stare at her little face and she stares at mine.

2. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
Well, if you could smell her farts, you’d want to smell the roses too.

3. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
More like terrified. I don’t know how many times a night I wake up and check to see if she’s breathing.

4. You're less self-involved and more self-motivated.
I used to want to buy myself stuff all the time, and now it’s all about her.

5. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
Avoiding smoky bars seemed like such a bummer when I first got pregnant, now you really have to drag me away from her to get me to one!

6. You respect your body ... finally. (Hooray for baby-making!)
Although I don’t like what my body looks like at the moment, I’m proud of what it did. I’m proud of all the pain I went through (12 hours of intense unmedicated labor before my second epidural kicked in) in order to bring her into the world.

7. You have stronger opinions and are stronger willed.
I don’t know if my opinions could possibly BE any stronger, but I’m definitely stronger willed.

8. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. (Hooray for grandparents!)
When I think about the fact that my mom once held me in her arms, enraptured by my sleepy face and full of love, it amazes me. To know what kind of love your parents felt for you when you were a baby is amazing, and it does make you love them in a new way.

9. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
I took her to get her first set of vaccinations last week and I cried harder and longer than she did.

10. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. (Hooray for the tooth fairy!)
Well, I haven’t gotten there yet but I can’t wait until we can watch Sesame Street together.

11. You lose touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.
It’s sad, but true. I don’t know so much about the “banished years ago” part, but you most definitely lose touch with people.

12. Your heart breaks much more easily.
Oh lord. If you knew how many times a day my eyes well up with tears, you’d be amazed. I cried today because a woman I don’t even know from my baby discussion board said her baby fell off the couch on to his face. He was fine, but it still just killed me.

13. You think of your baby 234,836,178,976 times a day. In fact, you're so busy with this that you forget everything else.
Work? More like, “Time away from the baby.”

14. Every day is a surprise.
True. You never know if she’s going to poop, sleep, cry, be happy, laugh, etc. She changes every day.

15. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
Well, I don’t know about “hooray for poop,” but I do know that when she poops, she’s happier, and that makes me happy.

16. You think before you speak.
Motherffff….effer.

17. You become a morning person. (Hooray for watching the sun rise!)
I’ve always been a morning person, but my baby loves sleeping in. There’s been days that she’s slept until almost noon. Lazy kid. She needs to get a job.

18. If you have a son, you no longer curse men. (Hooray for all men!)
Hey, who ever said I cursed men?

19. If you have a daughter, you hope she won't endure your same heartaches.
Actually, I hope I don’t give her the same insecurities my mom gave me (like when my mom tells me my ass is big… I KNOW mom, I just had a fucking baby).

20. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
Damn straight.

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