Monday, June 23, 2008

Mental Dental

So - Friday my coworkers and I went out to eat for lunch. The waitress at the restaurant that we chose was this perfect, skinny, tanned, beautiful little wisp of a college student. While my male colleagues were checking out her non-existent ass, the only thing I could focus on was her teeth. They were so white. Blindingly white. Unnaturally white. And of course, my only thought was, "why can't I have teeth like that?" Which is progress, because normally I'd be thinking, "why I can't I be that skinny?"

I've been told by so many people so many times that I have a great smile, but here's the thing - in most of my photos, I've been known to whiten my teeth. Yes, I photoshop my teeth so they're whiter. The thing I hate most about my teeth, other than their tendency to be, hmm, shall we say? beige, are the calcium deposits that I have on my two front teeth. That's it - no prominent calcium deposits anywhere else, just the teeth that people tend to notice first and foremost. There's really nothing I can do about it - it's just one of those weird things - people get odd white spots on their teeth. The fact that I drink lots of coffee and tea, and smoke nasty cigarettes probably doesn't help matters much.

So this weekend I broke down, got a Rembrandt 2 hour whitening kit, and bought myself a Sonicare toothbrush. The Rembrandt helped lighten things up a bit - not to the unnatural proportions of our waitress, but it made progress, and the toothbrush - oh Lord - that thing is a miracle in a crazy vibrating brush. My teeth have never felt so clean after brushing them. And after hours and hours of dental work, including root canals and breaking teeth on chewing gum, knowing that there is something that exists that can help me avoid more tooth catastrophes in the future is a good feeling.

I'm beginning to realize that I have some makings of OCD. How is it that I JUST NOW realized that?

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