Thursday, August 31, 2006

Updates

My second interview is next Wednesday. Woot!

Not counting my chickens, but I previously put my 2 weeks in at work last Friday. My boss claims he's not letting me quit. The words, "what, are you going to chain me down to my chair so you can continue to torture me" ALMOST came out of my mouth.

I did put my 2 weeks in because of the other job(s) I was hired for. I finish my last week of instructor training tomorrow, and my other job (if I don't get the one I had an interview for) starts the week of the 11th.

Either way I'll get dental. That makes me happy.

It's the little things.

Speaking of dental, Lyric now has 7 teeth. With number 8 pushing through. Wasn't she just born?

Time to start planning the first birthday party. Who wants invited?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Mmmm... yummy jobby goodness...

Wow.

I just got back from my interview, and I have to say, there have only been a couple of interviews I’ve been on in my life that I felt THIS confident about. The last time was for my current job. I didn’t necessarily know if I’d fit the job, but I was excited about the company. My supervisor talked it up and made it seem like this wonderful place to work, and while I had my doubts, I was still pretty excited. Alls well that ends well, and I got the job, obviously. And we all know how that turned out, a layoff later. The time before that I had an interview with a company in Butler doing graphics and video production, which is what I really love doing. I felt really great about the interview, and the one kid that worked there even went to school at Clarion, like me, and was a Communication major, like me! I thought I had it in the bag. Wrong. Big fat rejection, with no real explanation why.

THIS interview was more like that one, where I interviewed with the whole team, and they were great. The genuinely all seemed like they loved their jobs, and told me how much fun they had working there, etc. It was awesome. I felt so comfortable, and now I know that if I don’t get it I’ll be crushed, much like I was with the video production job. I still hate those bastards. Totally toyed with my emotions…

Anyhoo, they all seemed pretty impressed with me and all my skills, and I got to talk baby for a while with one of the girls that works there who has a little girl who is 2 weeks older than Lyric. I was there for an hour and a half. Longest interview EVA! But totally cool. It sounds like everything that I want to be doing. Even though it’s further away than my current job, but still, if it’s that cool, I don’t care.

If I get the job I’ll get to go to Boston for a trade show before the end of the year. A job where I get paid to travel! Amazing! Plus the hours seem totally flexible AND I can… Work. From. Home. Not all the time, of course, but if I need to!

Sigh…

According to the supervisor I’ll have a second interview next week, so keep your fingers crossed for me. This could be the job I’ve been waiting for.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

When Opportunity is knocking your door down

What is going ON with me lately? After years of nothing but rejection letters, I’ve had more calls in the past two months for jobs that I can barely even keep my head on straight. Although I did recently have a friend re-vamp my resume, so I think that it helped.

Today on my way home, I was thinking about my job sitch. The idea of working in retail again, although for fairly good money, was sort of upsetting to me. I know that it will be better for me mentally than where I am right now, because I know that I won’t be micromanaged to death like I am currently, but the idea of working evenings and weekends of course is very unappealing. I made a little mental wish that I’d get a call for a job I applied for a few weeks ago, something that sounded fairly promising that is in my field with a reputable company that has great benefits.

Wouldn’t you just know it, when I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from that place. Sweet!

I’ll have an interview Monday or Tuesday, so puh-LEASE send good job getting vibes my way! Good, lots of money-type job vibes.

Yowza. I’m feeling pretty hot lately. People want me. They really do.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Panic! At the minivan

Saturday started off like any normal, less than exciting day. Actually, it was kind of exciting, because Lyric and I walked up the street to watch the little football players pep rally, and that involved E-Lo getting some much needed social interaction with other moms, which was cool.

Then we took a nap and decided to go out and about. We went shopping for a while, and since it was Saturday evening, I decided to get a Sunday Butler Eagle. I’m a stickler for getting the Butler Eagle every weekend. In my opinion, Sunday’s Eagle is the only one worth getting. I must get it every. Single. Weekend. So I stopped at one of those paper dispenser things outside of one of the stores I was at, and to my dismay, it only took quarters. The Sunday Eagle is 75 cents, and I had 2 quarters along with 2 dimes and a nickel. So I weighed my options. I could stop at Sheetz, leaving my baby in the car while I ran in for a paper, or I could pull over at another paper dispenser, only leaving my baby for a second. The latter sounded best, mommy-wise, so I pulled over in front of Blockbusters and Aldi and hopped out to grab the paper. It took me a couple tries as always to wrestle the paper out of the thing, but I managed it and walked back around to the drivers side and pulled on the door handle and almost fell on my ass when it wouldn’t budge. The doors! Had locked! But… baby… inside… car… running… panic… what… help… can’t… think…

Of course my brain stopped functioning correctly for at least a full minute as I ran around in circles like a headless chicken. I ran into Aldi, which was swarmed with people, and after about 5 seconds I ran back out and peeked in the back window of my illegally parked van at my daughter, who was chillin in her car seat in the AC listening to Fleetwood Mac, like a good girl. My brain, which still was not quite functioning, told me to find something to break the windows. Then my logic and reasoning skills kicked in and said, “E-Lo, there’s a better way. Take it down a notch.” After a few deep breaths, I called Ryan. Mistake! He was on his way home from work, about 20 miles away in a company vehicle. He was just as panicked as I was. I decided to call the police. I called information to have them connect me, and they connected me with Butler City. I needed Butler Township. They told me to call 911.

“What’s your emergency?”
“Um… it’s not really an emergency… I locked my keys in my van-“
“Mam, you’ll have to call a tow truck-“
“Well, my baby is locked inside.”
“Oh. Well, we’ll call a tow truck for you. In the meantime we’ll send an officer.”

So a policeman came, about 5 minutes after my call. I was practically peeing my pants. I was parked in front of 2 busy stores, there were pedestrians everywhere, and I was totally embarrassed. So when the patrol car rolled up, I was almost in tears, especially since Lyric had caught on that something was weird, since her mom was standing outside the minivan staring in at her instead of letting her out! Which is where she always wants to be!
The policeman asked me how I was doing. Then he commented that I was probably a nervous wreck. I agreed. He told me a tow truck was on the way and that their insurance doesn’t let them open cars anymore, which I knew, but I didn’t care because I just wanted my baby out of the van and screw their damn insurance! Ahem. Anyway, after what seemed like an eternity of silence (probably about 30 seconds had elapsed) my cell phone rang. It was Ryan. He was 5 minutes away. Huh? How did he go from 20 miles to 5 minutes in a matter of 10 minutes? So I figured I’d wait and see who got there first, Ryan’s dump truck or the policeman’s tow truck. Sure enough the dump truck came racing into the parking lot 1.2 minutes later.

That dump truck didn’t know it could go that fast.

Needless to say, Ryan saved the day. Or maybe it was Jimmy, his co-worker, who flew through Southern Butler County to save my baby. At any rate, I was relieved, although seriously humiliated and kicking myself for just not saying screw the paper, I’m going home.

I’m sure it’s only the first of many mommy mishaps.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

The post where I think things through

Do you ever have to take a step back sometimes in your life and wonder, "how the fuck did I get here?"

I do that all the time. When Ryan and I first started dating I used to think to myself, "oh my god, I'm having sex with HIM?" Not because it was a bad thing, but because I've known him, like, forever.

I often say to myself that it's a great thing I have such a good sense of humor, because if I didn't, I'd be living in a padded room somewhere.

I had my job basically pulled out from under me. Yesterday I went to meet with the guy, who told me on the phone on Thursday that we would go to lunch. I thought, wow, that's cool, my boss is taking me to lunch. Nice! Instead when I got there he took me to his office, sat me down and basically told me how they had hired someone else part time, he was being sued, and he had lost a 200K a year client all because his nephew, who is his graphic designer, sucks. He flat out said, "I can't fire my nephew." Um, excuse me, but if your nephew just caused you to lose THAT much money, it would be in your best interest to say, "kid, I love you, but you're killing me. Later!" At that moment I looked at him and thought, "you're an idiot." Then I thought, "uh oh, I already think my boss is an idiot and I don't even work for him yet... eject, eject!!!"

Among other things, I don't think it's going to work out with him. He seems fairly unstable.

Sadly enough, I've had enough of small businesses. They don't get you anywhere except for stuck.

Sooooo... sick as it is, I'm back to square one. The same square that this circle was stuck in for years. Retail. I of course got offered a job by the boobie looker man. Why wouldn't I? I've worked in retail for years and I have great boobs. There are some things that I'm just plain great at. And I've got to escape that horrible office that I'm in. As much as I love the women I work with, the fact is we're stuck working for a very sexist boss, who is just plain mean (if by mean you mean psycho), and for the year and a half that I've been there, he's changed my job 4 times, laid me off, took away my 401k and benefits, and I haven't had a raise.

The new place is offering me very comparable pay, which in 60 days will increase to more than what I make now, great benefits, and although I'll have to work evenings and weekends, I'm really thinking about it.

At the same time I'm thinking, I'm almost 30. I have a child. I have a masters degree. Shouldn't I be past this point in my life? Why why why?

I just don't know. I have to do something though. In the mean time my eyes are wide open.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Diagnosis


pretty puffs2
Originally uploaded by Elosquirrel.

For the past few months I've really not felt like me. I blamed it on motherhood, learning this new gig as the be all end all to a pretty damn cute little girl. But there was something nagging at me that didn't feel right. My relationship with Ryan had changed, and I felt sad more often.

I started thinking that maybe PPD was rearing it's ugly head at me, but then I'd have a good day and things would feel normal. But in the past couple of weeks, I've really noticed that I'm not ME. The other day I actually thought to myself, "what the hell am I so sad about? I have SO MUCH to be happy about." I just got a new house, and while I love it, I have anxiety about it. I just got a new job, and while it's great and all, instead of being excited all I can feel is worried that it's going to suck as much as my current one. Not to mention that little beauty of mine.

Last night I took one of those depression screeners and found out that I have moderate depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Can someone pass the Lexapro please?

My major problem right now is that I don't have health insurance. And I'm still breastfeeding (those teeth remind me every. single. time.). I'm not sure what steps to take to help myself get out of this funk that I'm in.

Today when I got to my mom's house after work she and my dad were super nice to me. I told her last night on the phone what I found out, and she's dealt with the same thing. So she had a beer waiting and cheeseburgers. What can I say, the woman knows how to cheer me up.

So right now I'm in a holding pattern. Which is the direction my life has been going for the past year or so. It's almost a comfy place, but kind of like when you sleep in too late, you still want to get out of bed and do something productive.

I'm ready for that.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Mojo Rising

I got a new job. A pretty decent one. It's not exactly what I want, but it's a step in the right direction. Basically I'll be doing more creative work and less technical work. I hate technical. I also hate the hostile work environment I've been stuck in for the past month. So I'm looking forward to getting the eff out.

I also started training this week to be an online instructor with a fairly reputable institution. That's exciting in and of itself. So it's good really, that I'm getting more streamlined in my career.

But I'm exhausted this week. It's been all work, work, work, and little of anything else. My teeth are killing me and I broke my toe last night. Plus the stress and anxiety of having to deal with my asshole boss doesn't help.

I'm looking forward to quitting.

Good things are happening around these parts! I'm hoping to keep the ball rolling.

Monday, August 07, 2006

More Boob Talk

Probably one of the most disheartening things that can happen to a woman on a job interview is being interviewed by a man who can't make eye contact with her, unless if by eye contact you actually mean eye to boob contact. It happened to me on Friday. The man interviewing me could not stop staring at my breasts. At first I thought I was imagining things, but then I started mentally willing his eyes to meet mine. My eyes starting to bore a hole into his skull, challenging his droopy old eyes to meet mine. "You bastard," I thought. "You dirty old fuck."

This was the HR manager for a giant hardware corporation. This is the man who is in charge of recruiting people to join the company that he represents. And he couldn't take his eyes off my tits. NICE.

The good thing is, the interviews are rolling in. And I'm starting to get pretty good at them. Every interview I have, good or bad, makes me more confident in myself and the skills I have. And the fact that I have nice boobs helps, right?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Tastes like chicken... well, more like cantaloupe juice...

August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week. I'm not sure why breastfeeding needs a week, cause it's like every day at my house. I'm a boob feeding advocate, so I thought I'd mention it. But I won't be preachy about it. If you appreciate breast feeding, or are just a perv who likes to look at pictures of women feeding their babies from their breasts, you should check out The Celebrity Baby Blog Breastfeeding Gallery. I've often wanted to take a picture of Lyric nursing, because that's usually when she makes the cutest faces.

Here's to you lactaters!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Whiny E-Lo Rant

That's what I've felt like lately. But I read something today that I totally agreed with:

"If you don't love what you do and look forward to doing it, that means you are condemning yourself to a life of discontent."

To me, a job is something you do because you have to do it. Otherwise it wouldn't be called a job. If you love doing it, well then, that's just a bonus, because not many people can honestly say they love their jobs. I know one person who loves his job (Greg) and I would love to be able to say that. But I've never been able to say that. I can look back on some jobs that I've had in the past and say that they were definitely not as bad as the job I have now. I can look back a year ago at my job and say it wasn't as bad then as it is now.

But the only person who can do something about it is me. Same with Ryan and his discontent with his job. He hates his job more than I hate mine. Go figure, since it's been 100 degrees out the past three days and he works with hot asphalt all day.

I don't like spending the day doing something I don't like, being abused and belittled watching my co-workers be abused and belittled by our boss, and not having any time to spend on me time, or with my baby, and having to do everything around the house because by the time my husband gets home he's exhausted and I'm the only one who gets anything done, which is amazing in itself because all day long I never stop moving.

I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past 2 weeks. I have no motivation right now. Just writing this is taxing my brain.

I just found this article about how to cope with your job if you hate it. There is no mention of excessive drinking. That's how I coped with working at Target! It worked! It really did!

I also found an article about workplace bullying, which can be defined as repeated "verbal abuse, behavior that's threatening, intimidating or humiliating, or work interference." And that's what I deal with. I can tell people over and over again what it's like, but nobody would really believe that it's as bad as I say.

Oh, but it is. Worse than the last time I went back to work and was a glorified mail clerk. Worse than the time before that when I had to repeatedly lift 27 inch televisions into the trunks of rude peoples' cars. Worse than working at Walmart at the service desk and dealing with people trying to return a broken toaster that they've had for five years, complete with crumbs and all.

The question is, how do I get out of it? What do I want to do with my life? And how do I get there? I'm almost 30 and I have no retirement fund started. I don't have health insurance. My tooth has a giant crater in it. My van needs and oil change. My hair needs cut and I'm in desperate need of a pedicure.

A massage would be nice too.

Something good is bound to happen sooner or later.