Monday, July 31, 2006

Misery loves company

Which is why I'm glad I had a weekend full of house guests. And I'm glad I have a house to have guests in. But do you know what I hate?

Guess. Just guess. C'mon, deep down, you know it.








My job.











Seriously. Looking back, I was happier at Target. I was. Really.

Ok, I'm starting to think that nothing that I do for money will ever make me happy. But for real, my job SUCKS SWEATY MONKEY BALLS. I used to have an office there. Now I sit in a big room with everyone else. In cubicles? No, we don't even have the courtesy of cubicles. It's all out in the open. It's like I work in a call center.

I used to have an office. Have I mentioned that?

Sigh. The job hunt is back on, full force. Not that it ever really stopped.

I'm so exhausted. I've even been working overtime. In E-Lo land, there IS no overtime. Overtime is a myth. Only Ryan works overtime.

My kid has four teeth now. FOUR. Could be part of why I'm tired.

Must go collapse...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Got a tie dyed Rancid shirt

Several weeks ago, I purchased my very first pair of Birkenstocks. What an exciting time for me when it comes to acquisition. My first house, my first baby, my first Birkenstocks… soon I’ll get a puppy and I can die happy.

At any rate, the Birkenstocks, while not the most attractive of sandals, are possibly the best shoes I’ve ever purchased. The only time they leave my feet is when I go to bed at night, and even though I have much prettier sandals for work, I still wear them to the office. Work appropriate? Who cares? They’re so comfy! They’re almost as good as wearing no shoes at all!

I hate shoes. No, let me rephrase that. I LOVE shoes. I hate wearing them. I love buying them. I hate having to walk around in them. I live for the summer, when my feet can breathe, free of socks and other binding materials.

If you would have told me ten years ago, when I was wearing dog chains around my neck and black eyeliner for lipstick, that I’d be wearing Birkenstocks, you know, when I was busy drinking 40s and chain smoking and going to punk rock shows and experimenting with various mind altering drugs, I would have told you that you were crazy.

Now I'm a mom, a crunchy, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, pull my hair in a ponytail and go type of mom. I never thought I'd go this route, but I did, and I'm liking it. Especially since the footwear is so comfy.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Time Suckage

This week has involved me returning to work full time. This has been challenging, because I haven't had my daily fix of internet usage, because this week I'm covering for other people, so I've been very busy. I also don't have internet at my house yet, nor can I walk into my office without clearing a path first.

It's all good though because I already have overtime built up this week, my kid is good for my mom and dad, and working means money, which I'm desperately in need of.

The house is shaping up as well. It's going to take some time, obviously, but this weekend the bathroom renovation officially begins.

I'm excited.

Hi.

That's all.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Home is where the arguments begin

Oh… right. I have a blog here.

Sorry. I’m out when it comes to high speed internet at the moment. I get the shakes until I either get to my mom’s house and can check my email, or until I get to work and can illegally look at websites.

So. We’re all moved in. I’m happy, yeah, but overwhelmed at the same time. There’s just so much stuff! Yesterday I must have walked around in circles for two hours while I tried to figure out what to do first. I knew I had precious little time, because I had put Lyric down for a nap, in her crib! and time was fleeting. So I went downstairs and looked at my potential office, which was stacked with boxes. Hmm. I looked in the guest room, which looks more like a junk room. Hmm. I decided to paint my toenails. Ok. Now I really needed to get something done. Back to the office. I attempted to move our falling apart bookshelf, then decided it would be better suited for the trash. But then where will I put my books? That’s more boxes that I can’t unpack! Crap. So I decided I better wash my face. Back to the guest room. First I had to clear a path to get in there. Once I did that my tummy started growling. I needed to eat. Into the kitchen, the one room that is completely organized, to make lunch. Just as I was sitting down to eat, I heard Lyric waking up.

I didn’t get anything done. I suck.

We stayed for the first time on Tuesday, and let me tell you, when the three of us piled in our queen sized bed to go to sleep, Lyric was entirely too wound up. She was excited and kept looking around. Then she realized Ryan was there with us, which is unusual. Naturally she wanted to play, and we wanted to sleep. It took forever, but I finally got her to settle down and go to sleep. Since then every night has gotten a little easier. Soon I hope she’ll be sleeping all night in her crib, but that’s still a strange place to her.

Oh, and the arguments. If Ryan and I make it through redecorating our house without either killing each other or getting a divorce, it will be a miracle. We both have vastly different ideas of what we want. I’m not happy with how certain things in the house are, mainly the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room. Every single room in the house needs painted. The bathroom is my main area of contention. It’s gross and I hate it. We’re going to completely tear it apart, which will be interesting, since it’s the only working bathroom in the house. There’s one downstairs, but it’s non-working. The kitchen floor is another sore spot for us. It has this disgusting carpeting on it. I scrubbed it, but to no avail. I want to tear it out, like NOW. I’m not allowed. You know what’s under it? More carpeting. But it’s a vast improvement to the shitty, cheap, torn up, stained carpet on top. Ryan disagrees. So until we can get money to put laminate flooring down, I have to live with it. He actually said to me yesterday, “I’ll never understand your vanity.” Vanity schmanity. If I wanted to live in a shithole, I would have stayed at his mom’s house. Besides, I gave him the entire basement to do whatever he wants to! A bar, a practice area, and the only thing I get to do down there is laundry. Shyeah.

So next week it’s back to work, full time at my old job, suck, but that means getting cash to do improvements. And the weekend warrior portion of my life begins again.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Meme Continued

20 Things I Looooove

1. My new house. I don’t officially live there yet, but it’s cool to know that I’m a homeowner. The possibilities are endless!

2. My friends, who moved me in. I didn’t have to lift a finger. A Lyric, yes, but not a finger.

3. My van. Last summer when we were car shopping, I told Ryan to shoot me if I ever bought a minivan. He somehow worked his magical brainwashing powers on me, and now I own one. Let me tell you. Best. Car. EVER. So practical!

4. Dogs. I love dogs. I can’t wait to get one, because now I own a house!

5. The fact that the place where I used to live that someone tried to screw me over for is now nothing but a hole in the ground with a cement slab beside it. Long story.

6. My family. Duh! I know that goes without saying, but family has been super important to me lately. More important than where I live. Thankfully I had Ryan to worry about that. I’ve spent every day over at my mom’s house, with my brother and my parents and my baby and my sister and nieces and nephews, and this has probably been one of the best weeks all summer.

7. Beer.

8. The Sounds. I love that band! I just bought their latest CD and I’m wondering why I didn’t get it sooner. What’s wrong with me? This is my kind of music. It reminds me of something I can’t quite put my finger on. But it’s so good.

9. Ice cream. We have a long, turbulent history, but I have to say, I love it. And so does the jelly roll across my tummy.

10. My houseplants. Betcha didn’t know I have quite the green thumb. I have more plants than any normal person should. In fact, the more the better. It’s like an obsession at this point.

11. The fact that I got carded on Saturday, not only when I bought my husband a 12 pack of beer (which he drank without me), but also when I bought him a pack of cigarettes (which he thankfully smoked without me). So not only do I look like I could be under 21, I look like I could be under 18! A 29 year old mother! Ha! That made my day.

12. No more milkglass. Ever. Well, until I visit the in-laws.

13. Getting a massage, or my hair cut, or a pedicure. Doing something for me.

14. Pilates. It helped me lose a lot of baby weight. And I have killer abs… underneath the jelly roll.

15. Taking pictures. It used to be of interesting subject matter, like this:

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or this

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and this

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but now it’s more this:

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But that’s pretty cute.

16. Going to eat Chinese food. It’s rare that I get to, because Ryan doesn’t like it, so me and my mom go together once in a blue moon. I’ve been dying for it for like 3 weeks now, and we’re going with my sister who is in town visiting on Wednesday. I can’t wait.

17. Blogging. Obviously! I’m amazed that anyone even reads my blog! That’s the coolest thing about blogging, I think. I often wonder if I’d still do it if I knew that nobody read it. Maybe.

18. Being alone in the car and turning the music up loud so I can sing and car dance.

19. Discovering myself as a mom more and more every day.

20. Being happy. With myself, with my life, with where I’m at, in spite of all the challenges I’ve faced lately. In fact, I welcome the challenges. They make me a stronger person.

I’m tagging Vince, Julie, and Inanna. Nyah nyah!!! 20 things you hate, 20 things you love.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Look what I bought yesterday

Sometimes you get new shoes, and sometimes you get one of these:

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Is it common for real estate agents to buy you pizza and beer when you close on a house? Cause ours did.

Every. Single. Life. Changing. Experience. of mine HAS to have alcohol involved! Except when I gave birth, but I had good drugs for that.

Anyway, the house is 54 years old, needs a lot of work, but it's home. At least until 2036.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Meme Time!!!

Meme Time!!!

FFF tagged me, so I must deliver. Besides, I love talking about myself.

20 Things I HATE. Or strongly dislike. Most mostly hate.

1. Drunk kids that run into people I love and mess them up physically. My brother is home now, but he has a long time until he’s healed completely. He can’t put any weight on his right side, and he can’t use crutches because his collarbone is broken.

2. The spam that I get every. single. day. that says "you've won the Zambia National Lottery! Please claim your prize!" Piss off.

3. When people call me when I’m watching my shows. This isn’t really problem right now, but when someone calls when I’m watching American Idol or Lost, I refuse to even answer the phone.

4. There’s this guy who still lives here in Butler who once spread a rumor that I was a slut, and that I used to come to his house and get all drunk and high and have sex with random people. The funny thing about that is, that I did indeed go to his house a few times with my boyfriend and smoke pot, and probably ended up making out with my boyfriend, but there were no other people involved. So he told this girl that I was a slut, and once when Ryan and I first got engaged we ran into this girl, who Ryan was friends with. She asked Ryan what was new with him, and he told her we were engaged, and she said, “to HER? Oh my GAWD, Ryan, what are you thinking, she’s such a slut!” Ryan politely told her to go fuck herself… so I hate that kid, AND…

5. I hate her. Because I’d never even met her, I had no idea who she was, and here she already had this preconceived notion that I was a bad person because of things that someone had lied about.

6. I hate the fact that I can hold a grudge for so long. I think it’s hereditary.

7. Zombie movies. And Ryan loves them.

8. Getting so drunk I throw up. I haven’t done that in a while. See, I tend to avoid things that I hate.

9. The feeling that I want to have a cigarette now when I’m drinking and around people who smoke. And that I’ve given in to that feeling a few times.

10. Oooh, I really really hate it when you give your camera to someone and ask them to take a picture of say, you and your family. So they take your camera and step back so far that when they take your picture, they’re like 20 feet away from you. So then you have a picture of you and your feet and the floor and the ceiling and the whole wall, along with various other strangers on the sidelines. I like close ups! CLOSE UPS!

11. I hate the fact that in our country, conservatives are so obsessed with what “family” is, that they only can accept marriage can be between a man and a woman. It’s all “family values” this and that, and if you ask me, family has gone to shit. People have to work ungodly hours and don’t get to spend enough time with their kids. Kids don’t have the guidance they need so they grow up and become assholes and expect everything to be given to them. Not to mention that I find it disturbing that in America, there are people without homes, food, or medical attention. It’s bullshit.

12. I hate people who abuse children and animals. People like that don’t deserve to breathe my air.

13. I hate my MIL’s house. In case you didn’t already know that. I’m glad that I’m almost done living here.

14. I hate that in the past 2 weeks I’ve gotten offers for jobs that pay nothing.

15. I hate that my baby has a snotty nose. Not because of the slime trails on my t-shirts, but because I feel like it’s my fault.

16. Shakira’s voice. Who the hell gave her a record contract? She sounds like Kermit the Frog on steroids.

17. When people tell me that kids are great until they start talking. Seriously, we actually ran into a guy at Eat n Park on the Fourth who told us “yeah, I liked them… then they started talking.” What an asshole.

18. Pat Robertson and the like. No need to explain.

19. I hate dealing with real estate agents, mortgage brokers, and people like that. I never want to do it again. They’re in the business of toying with emotions, and it’s ridiculous that they can make you do the things they do.

20. Spiders.


20 Things I Love will be next time. After some much needed updates.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Being a mom means letting go of being a germaphobe and instead focusing on, "is that dog bone a choking hazard?"

Now that Lyric can move herself from room to room without the aide of another poor human being whose back is breaking under the weight of my little bruiser girl, it's common for her to get a lot more dirty. When I say a lot, I mean a LOT. Especially since it's summer and on top of being a little mobile dust mop, she's sweaty and sticky. She slides herself across the floor on her belly and by noon her once white shirt is now a shade of gray. Or brown, depending where she was sliding. Yesterday she got these mysterious brown spots on the front of her, and I have no idea what they were, only that my dad and I tried washing them out, but they didn't completely come out, then my mom treated it and tried, but there were still a faint trace of them. Finally we just gave in to the fact that there was some sort of impenetrable stain on it, put the shirt back on the baby, and she proceeded to soak the collar of the shirt with apple juice.

Mobility also means you must have a spotless house. And in my house, that's nearly impossible, because number one, this is not my house, it's my MIL's, and she has had the same carpet in the kitchen for the last 30 years, number 2, I have a husband who plays in asphalt all day every day, so it's common to find little black rocks here and there. I can never have a nice carpet as long as he's around. Anyway, my child will find the teeniest pieces of dirt and play with them. If they're big enough, she'll put them in her mouth. The other day I found her chewing on a twig. Before that, it was a gum wrapper. Before that, it was a fuzz from the carpet. Last week at my mom's house I found her with Peanut's dentabone in her mouth.

She has great breath.

Last night she pulled herself up for the first time with both Ryan and I there to witness it. Ryan was lying on the bed and I was fussing around the bedroom getting ready for sleep, when suddenly this little head popped up from inside the co-sleeper. Before we knew it, she was standing there, perched precariously over the side, and Ryan's hand shot out to steady her before she either toppled over on to the floor or landed on her butt in the co-sleeper.

The co-sleeper is now obsolete.

Not to mention the fact that now I'm sick, thanks to the snot queen's love of smearing her snot all over me.

Kids.

*************************************************

As for the update on the job sitch, they took it quite well that I'm not going to work there. I think my friend was more pissed than they were, so she was kind of giving me a vibe that they weren't going to be cool with it, but they totally were. Now that I have that off my plate, my stress level has gone down considerably. I'm still waiting to hear when I'm going to start full time at my old job, but I'm in no hurry since I still have a month of unemployment left.

FFF, I promise I'll do the meme tomorrow! It requires a lot of thought, and my brain is on autopilot lately... now it's on cold meds.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Hooray for Monday (note the sarcasm)

So far, it's 7 AM and here's where I stand:

My baby is sick. She had a terrible runny nose all day yesterday. You know, the kind of runny nose that grosses people out? Yeah, and she kept rubbing her face on me so my t-shirt had lovely baby booger trails all over it. But do I mind? Of course not, because she's cute.

I kept telling her, "this is what you get for swapping spit with your cousin." My niece and her son are in town visiting, and David is 3 weeks younger than Lyric. Friday we had them sitting by one another, and my daugther, who could care less about binkies and only uses the soothie kind to teethe on, reached over and pulled his binky out of his mouth and popped it in hers. My reaction was to call her a brat, but then I realized that this is my fault. It's my fault because when I'm strapping her in her carseat, I put her soothie in my mouth to make her laugh, then she reaches out and pulls it out of my mouth like she's saying, "Mother, you are so silly. That belongs to ME." then proceeds to put it in her mouth and chew on it.

My fault.

So needless to say, David had a touch of a cold and now Lyric does too, which makes me feel bad, simply because of the amount of snot on her face.

Yep. Also, no closing yet. This week sometime it will most likely happen. We are just waiting to hear whether or not our sewer passed inspection yet, because if it didn't, we don't want to be repsonsible for footing the bill. So the fact that it hasn't happened yet isn't a bad thing, because we could be in a situation like this. And we did have a huge sewer clog. Not sure if it was beach towel related though.

Oh, and my boss does want me to come back full time. Which is fine. I'm sticking it out, only because I make peanuts now as it is, and going to the other job would entail me making even less peanuts, and being that I have my OWN little peanut to worry about, I'll stay where I make more and have health insurance. So today I have to call this place and tell them I'm not going to work there. I think that I'll be burning some bridges by doing that. They seem like the kind of people who would hold a grudge.

But you know what? Here's the way I look at it. My friend got me the job, because she works there. They all know that I have a Masters and tons of experience in graphics, and yet they only offered me this tiny salary. The same exact amount that I was making when I first graduated with my bachelors. Then I went to a different job and was making MORE than I would if I would take this job. And that was SEVEN years ago. So the more I think about it, the more I'm like, "what the fuck?" I should be insulted that they only offered me that much. Plus, no benefits! And they asked me if I would be willing to stay there. Forever? For what? What are you offering me that would make me want to stay? Of course, when I accepted the job, I was only thinking that my unemployment would be running out soon. I wish I would have taken more time to think about it, and realize it didn't make sense. But I was/am under a lot of stress, so that could be the culprit.

But that's where I stand this morning. Not looking forward to the phone call that I have to make, but oh well. That's life.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Overheard at the hospital

Doctor: He'll probably go home in four to five days.

My mom: Oh, that's great!

Doctor: Soon this will be just a distant memory.

My mom: Yeah, he doesn't even remember the accident!

Doctor: Well, what I mean is, uh, you know, this is something he'll get over and he'll have lived through, you know. It didn't affect his memory.

My mom: OH. Ok, yeah. Yeah, definitely.


My mom's a dork.

Brother dear is doing good. Moved out of ICU last night, on to a regular room. Last night I was talking to a very nice woman in the waiting room, whose husband was having surgery on his heart, and I told her all the things that were broken on my brother. I said, "he's very lucky to be alive." And the woman said, "no, not lucky... he's very blessed."

She's right.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Curling up into the fetal position waiting for the next month to be over already...

Just when I thought things couldn't get any more stressful, they do.

My brother seems to be doing fine. Yesterday they thought he was losing a little blood, but when they did an angiogram, they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. However, he does have pneumonia.

I looked into daycare. It's an outrageous amount of money and I can't afford it. I'm considering not taking the job that I was offered, because it's a pretty significant paycut, and staying put for a while. So this morning I've been trying to get in touch with my boss about when and if I can come back full time. If I stay, I will continue to look for a job.

The other part of THAT is that I talked to my mortgage broker last night and she practically yelled at me for putting my 2 weeks in at my old job. She told me I had to undo it, otherwise the bank would need a month worth of paystubs from my NEW job that I haven't started yet. Had someone told me this I would not have done anything, job-wise.

So I think for sanity's sake, I'm going to stay where I am for the time being. I think. Still haven't talked to my boss, so wish me luck on that.

Also, our closing may not happen tomorrow. Our house failed it's sewage inspection a while back, and although there was a plumber there to fix the problem a few weeks ago, nobody has been out to re-inspect. So the bank may have to put money in escrow for us to fix any problem with it. We just found out about THIS yesterday too.

Hmm... what else?

Does it seem a little drastic that I'm ready to eat gallons of ice cream and run up some major credit card bills?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Let the whole world know that today is the day of reckoning...

Happy Birthday America.

Unfortunately, I missed posting on Ryan's birthday this year, which was on Saturday. He's THIRTY. Start the old man jokes now.

Stress has obviously been a big part of my life lately, and with my brother still in intensive care (but breathing on his own now, thank goodness), my closing on my house Friday (have I mentioned that? Yeah, our inspections have all been good, and although we don't know what time yet, we're closing in less than 4 days!), the fact that I'm quitting my old job and going to a new one starting next week... and with my parents at the hospital all day every day and my father in law switching to daylight this week, I have nobody to watch my kid.

Shit. You know what that means. Daycare.

So tomorrow it's my job to find a reputable daycare to put my baby in. I'm worried for one reason, the fact that she won't take a bottle anymore. How will 9 hours away from me and my boobs effect her?

Lately I've been thinking about extending the breastfeeding beyond the one year mark. I think the benefits for brain development are great, and I also think the bond between us is great. The only thing I worry about is her attachment to me. She's already a total mama's girl. I have to bathe her, feed her, put her to sleep, etc. Ryan tries to do these things sometimes and it usually goes haywire for him (either that or he's purposely sabotaging these activities so he doesn't have to do them). Needless to say, I'd like my child to be a bit more independent.

And isn't that the theme of the day?

Oh, I've got to give a big THANK YOU to Starr and Greg, who came over to our house yesterday in the sweltering heat and helped us clean. Then on top of that, they invited us over to drink beer. Thank you guys. You are awesome, awesome awesome.

Now go watch fireworks and celebrate your freedom. But don't blow off any limbs.