Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hot Damn

Holy shit, has it been hot here. And one of the many downfalls of living at my in-laws is that there is no A/C. And babies tend to get cranky when they're hot.

The weekend was good. I didn't really want to come home, but unlike me, my husband actually has a job that requires him to be there. My birthday was fairly uneventful, not that I expected it to be eventful. It was just another day that came and went without much pomp and circumstance. Fairly boring, actually. In fact, most of my camp weekend was dedicated to getting my nosy little child to sleep. She's always afraid she's going to miss something. Takes after her mom.

Things are starting to kind of shape up around these parts, and I hope that the trend continues. Now if I could just get myself a job, things would be great. Not that I actually want a job, but it would be nice to buy things like, oh, groceries? I mean, gosh, I've lost 20 pounds since I lost my job! I must be starving.

No, it's not really that bad, but money is tight at the moment, and the way things are right now, we don't really have much to spare, and I have to get gas, diapers, and toilet paper today.

Have I mentioned that I need a job?

Speaking of gas, and speaking of job, I have to go to "work" this morning. Work entails me driving 25+ miles (I have to backtrack to my mom's to drop Lyric off), sit for 3 hours, then drive back. Three times a week. It's pretty much not even worth the price of gas to go. Damn unemployment which requires me to go to work if needed.

I'm already sweating and it's only 7AM. When I sweat, it's not a dainty girl kind of sweat. I don't get cute little sweat bubbles on the bridge of my nose. Sweat pours from every part of my body, especially my forehead. It's disgusting and I've spent the past 3 days in sweaty hell.

For some reason I'm in a bad mood this morning and I shouldn't be. It's because of the work thing. I know it. Gah!

I'd rather change my daughter's poopy diapers all day.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Rude Boys, Rude Girls

Jamaican ska great Desmond Dekker dies - Yahoo! News

Sad news. Not that probably anyone really knows who Desmond Dekker is. But a younger E-Lo was once very into ska music, and I still own 2 of his CDs. He was the original rude boy.

He was a very young 64, and still touring. His tour dates are listed on his website.

Man. The risk of being into older music, like I am, is that the artists tend to die on you, then you have to drink a beer for them and lament that you've never seen them live and never will. I cried the day Joe Strummer died, because the Clash is my favorite band ever. You might even recall I was going to name my child, had she been a boy, "Strummer."

Anyway, here's to Desmond Dekker. Another booking for my afterlife party, I suppose. Next time you listen to Bob Marley, thank Desmond Dekker for paving the way for him.


***********************************************************************

Ryan just called me, he's already on his way home, so we'll be leaving for camp very soon, and that makes me HAPPY! Everyone get drunk for me on my birthday, since I have to limit my consumption. And have a good weekend, full of family, friends, food, fun and other "f" words.

And good music.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Tune in Tokyo

I was going to write about how happy I was with the results of American Idol this morning, then I thought to myself, nobody cares! Only me, Ms. Geek USA is the one who cares about AI in this corner of the blogoverse.

But in case you do care, I only have this to say: SOUL PATROL!

Well, I also have this to say: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MEATLOAF? Was I the only one who heard that horrifying noise emanating from his throat that sounded like cats fucking? I was all excited, because, you know, it’s Meatloaf, and besides, do I have to share my aforementioned title with you yet again? See paragraph one! I love Meatloaf, but the poor man sounded like he swallowed a tone deaf midget.

Sad. But Prince! Prince rocked it!

So anyway, now that THAT’S out of my system (wait… SOUL PATROL!!!! NOW it is), I’ll tell you about how my daughter is a nipple tweaker.

As most of you know, we’ve been nursing. For exactly 6 months and 3 days now. Lately Lyric has taken more notice of my breasts, mainly the nippular area. And she’s pinchy! And grabby! Sometimes she’ll reach out and just grab that whole area and squeeze with her strong little fingers and sharp little fingernails!

Last night I swear I was nursing her and while she was eating from one side she reached out and pinched the nipple on the other side. The girl has a boob fascination.

Funny enough, even though it’s slightly painful from time to time, it doesn’t really bother me. In fact, I can tune it out at this point, almost like listening to tone deaf Meatloaf.

I would have never guessed that 6 months ago the prospect of my daughter giving me titty twisters would not have bothered me.

How times have changed. Ah.

I’m already starting to have to listen to my family talk to me about weaning. The pressure is on, and I’m not gonna cave. As much as I would love to have my body all back to myself, this girl is going to get breastmilk for a year, even if it kills me. It’s my own personal goal, and I’m sticking with it! So shut up Dad! They’re my boobs! And plus, why would I give up this rack?

Another thing I never thought I’d say to my Dad.

Did I mention my birthday is in TWO DAYS? I’ll be 29, which is almost 30. I’m not dreading 30, like some people do. To me, it sounds (and looks) like a nice round number. But I’m not pushing it.

SOUL PATROL! Whoops, sorry, it slipped.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

What a cute... um... ???

Did you know that Bob the Quiznos baby is actually a girl? Of course, you might mistake my darling for a boy too. Especially when I dress her ambiguosly. Even when I dress her in pink, I have people say to me, "Oh how cute! Girl?" To which I'd love to respond, "No, he's a boy, I love to dress my baby in drag. I'm actually HOPING for a transexual adolescent! Call me crazy but I LOVE Rocky Horror!" Many others have called her "him," even my aunt. You'd think relatives would know the sex of their new family member, right?

From what Ryan's aunt tells me, it's the lack of hair that makes people think boy thoughts. She had the same problems with her fair haired babies. And it was once my mom, defending me to the world, taping bows to my head so everyone would quit telling her what a cute little boy I was.

I was bald until I was three. Lyric has considerably more hair than I did at her age.

Boy?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

No, GIRL:

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Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sure, she burps and farts like an old man, but you don't get much girlier than purple satin dresses.

Monday, May 22, 2006

My Week

Some of you might recall that this upcoming weekend is not only Memorial Day, but also my birthday. I love the fact that my birthday is on a long weekend, just as Ryan's is (4th of July weekend) and Lyric's (Thanksgiving). I really have to plan my next child accordingly. Maybe Labor Day weekend?

So this is one of those weeks where I anticipate the weekend, because it's the first official camp weekend of the summer. And although in previous years I looked forward to getting drunk all weekend, now I'm just looking forward to getting out of town with my husband and baby and relaxing.

Speaking of baby, today is her half-birthday. She's 6 months today. If how fast time is going is any indication of the rate of speed that my life is going to go from now on, I seriously have got to get cracking on all the things I want to do in life.

Friday, May 19, 2006

My Sleepless Night, by E-Lo

11:00. Attempt to go to sleep. It’s later than I’d usually go to bed, but I’m wide awake. Lyric is thrashing around beside me, also wired. She finally nurses herself to sleep.

11:30. Move Lyric to the co-sleeper and go to the bathroom. Still wide awake. Why did I have that cup of coffee at 8:00?

12:00. Dogs in the neighborhood are barking like crazy. Ryan comes in and asks me if I heard something. Dogs at the neighbors house begin growling and howling. I say “the dogs are going crazy. Probably raccoons.”

12:30. Lyric wakes up and realizes that she’s no longer in bed with mommy. Sigh. Pick her back up and bring her back into bed.

1:00. Dogs finally stop barking. Get up and go to the bathroom.

1:30. Finally drift off to sleep.

3:15. Wake up to a distinct “drip, drip, drip” sound. Same noise that woke me up that morning. The ceiling is leaking from all the rain. Damn flat roof.

3:30. Get up and go to the bathroom. This is what I get for sucking down so much water before bed. But I was SO THIRSTY.

5:00. Alarm goes off. SNOOZE!

5:10: Alarm. SNOOZE!

5:20: Alarm. SNOOZE!

5:30. Sigh. Turn off alarm. Get up. Put Lyric in co-sleeper. MAKE COFFEE.

The End. Yawn.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Here comes the rain again

Ok, so I’m not flooded by any means, but I feel like it’s been raining FOREVER. Just when the sun pops out, teasing me with all its bright cheer, suddenly the sky clouds over again and buckets dump from the heavens.

It’s enough to drive a slightly insane person slightly more insane.

I, however sane or insane, cannot let my spirits be dampened by so much rain. I’m still reveling in the glory of what it feels like to be right, the feeling that someone tried to screw me over and failed miserably.

It feels good. Like 75 pounds of ice cream good. And it’s what’s keeping me going through all this grey wet chill.

Along with this, of course:

Monday, May 15, 2006

Oh Katie...

I understand what it's like to be sleep deprived, constantly nursing a demanding infant, but there is no excuse for going out into public looking like this:



Hair and makeup aside, even on my most exhausted day, I'd at least make sure my nursing bra was snapped and my top was covering it up.

Or maybe it's just the facade of a girl trying to make it look like she's working really hard at being the mother of Tom's baby.

Whatever it is, it makes me sad.

Poor, poor Katie.

Hey Mama


A bunch of mamas, me, Rosie, and my mom, all with our babies.


Ryan and Uncle Jer (of course I had to squeeze my mug in there).


She looks like me, huh? Only prettier.


The family.


And my favoritest picture of them all, the woman who made it all happen with the girl that I love the most.

Hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day. I did.

Friday, May 12, 2006

These are the days when the beer just goes down so easily...

Our lawyer called.

The arbitration was in our favor.

That means we win.

NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH.

Fuckers!

DRINK! I am.

Who's your mommy?

I'm a member of an online discussion board who all have November 2005 babies. I found the board the week that I found out I was pregnant, and I've been there ever since. We call our babies the "November Cranbabies." Pretty cute.

A woman on the board recently asked what our thoughts were on becoming pregnant again and why depending on how the births of our cranbabies had gone.

In the spirit of Mother's Day, here's my thoughts about it, 6 months after the fact:

Well, I for one had a terrible time being pregnant, at least psychologically. Looking back I realized that I was actually pretty depressed about how my life was going to change, because I hadn't planned to get pregnant. I thought that I didn't even want kids. I was embarrassed by my growing body, and I literally FED my depression and anxiety, which in turn made me gain 75 pounds. I still have 20 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I also had a lot of anxiety about how my labor and delivery were going to go, and I think I made it harder for myself by worrying so much about it. I spent too much time worrying about the fact that my body didn't work, and I was 12 days overdue. Looking back on that, I think they did mess up my due date, but I still would have been a week over from my due date had it been right.

I went in to the hospital after a stress test and check up because there was protein in my urine and my blood pressure was super high. Thankfully they decided to bump the woman who was scheduled to come in for an induction (funny enough, that woman ended up being my sister's best friend growing up) and keep me to induce me.

Around 2:30 pm on November 21st my midwife came in to strip my membranes. My contractions started right away. Around 8:00pm they put cervadil in, and let me take a walk. By that time things were getting REALLY painful for me. I had to pee seemingly every 5 minutes. Ryan, my mom, and my dad were with me the whole time, and helped me labor all night. I got a couple shots of Stadol through that timeframe. Some time over night, they took out my cervadil. I was at 3 cm. Around 6:00am, my water broke, and as if my contractions hadn't been painful enough, they got even worse. My nurse checked me and I was at 4cm. Time for the epidural!

Those next few hours were the longest of my life, waiting for the epidural. I think they finally showed up at 8am, and the first epi didn't work. I was literally WRITHING in pain. Thankfully I was remembering my breathing. I was freaking Ryan out because I couldn't speak. He was awesome though, he kept his cool even though he was scared to death. Finally by 11, I got another epidural that worked. I instantly relaxed and was able to sleep. (Around that time my sister's friend was admitted in the room next door, so my sis, who just happened to be in town for Thanksgiving, was running from room to room. Pretty funny.)

Finally, around 1:30, the nurse told me I was complete. I could start laboring down. So for a while there, it was just Ryan and I as I "practiced" pushing so that Lyric could move into position. At 2 the nurse came in and I started 'really" pushing. That was the hardest part, because I was exhausted, having not slept much. Around 4, my nurse called my midwife and within 5 minutes she was there getting ready to deliver. I had been pushing for 2 hours. Lyric was born at 4:14. I heard, "it's a girl! Lyric!" from my nurse and I had to smile, cause I knew it.

It was SO HARD, but I don't regret a minute of it. I had a lot of tearing, and I felt every single agnonizing stitch, but I just stared at my daughter in awe the entire time.

Now I wonder what the hell I was so worried about, because even though it was terrible and long and painful, I got a beautiful daughter out of it and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom. The old me was such a freak!

I'd do it again. I'd just hope that my labor and delivery would happen a little faster and I'd get an epidural that works the FIRST time around. ;)

Oh, and my sister's friend delivered HER baby about 20 minutes after Lyric was born! Lucky!


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Happy Mothers Day to you mommies out there!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The stuff, the stuff, the stuff...

Slow week around here. I better post before the squirrels start eating everything.

First of all, I'd like to apologize to those of you who still come here, even though I've done a terrible job of keeping up with my blogroll in the past couple of months. Of course, it started going downhill once I had a baby, but got worse when I got laid off and being a mom became a full time job, if by full time you mean 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'll try to get around more often.

I have a lot of things brewing around in my head and haven't had a lot of time to post about them, unfortunately. I've worked all week (well, this is my third day) and it seems that the days I work I don't have time to do much, because I have to cram all the work I have to do into an three hour segment, then I have to go pick up Lyric from my mom's, then I end up being there the rest of the afternoon and make it home in time to make dinner and clean up the house. It's all very housewife-y.

I want to tell you about how my resume is cursed. Or at least, that's what Ryan and I think. There's got to be something on there that scares people, and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's too wordy. Maybe it's my Masters degree. Maybe it's my hypenated name. Who knows? But of all the jobs I've applied for, I've only gotten ONE call, and that was from a company that is 60, no let me spell it out for you in bold capital letters, SIXTY, miles away. That's 120 miles round trip. Thanks, but no thanks. If you are an expert at resumes and would like to take a look at mine and tell me exactly what the muthaeff is wrong with it, please do. I'll email it to you.

I also want to tell you about how fast my daughter is growing, and how she is well on her way to becoming mobile. This is a scary and exciting time for me as a mom, because I love seeing her grow and develop, and every day it seems like she's more, well, human, than say, a lump of cute little baby flesh. I'm amazed at her and how smart she is. She's almost there with the crawling. Right now she's more about the rolling, because she's good at it. She can aim herself now. Although she might have some of my clumsines, because last night I left her on the floor while I ran to the bathroom, and in mid-pee I heard her start wailing. That's really nothing exciting to me, because usually if I leave her sight she starts to freak out. When I re-entered the room, I realized she had rolled herself into the wooden rocking chair ottomon and bopped herself in the noggin. Whoops. Bad mommy. So now I must keep her in a more central location, or she has to be more closely supervised. Rolling can be scary. So I can't even imagine what crawling will be like.

I also wanted to talk about how my baby boob junkie refuses a bottle. It's mostly my fault, from being with her 24 hours a day. Before I went back to work for the first time, Ryan and I carefully experimented with several types of bottles for weeks. We found one that she liked and ran with it. So when I was at work she'd take several bottles a day, and I'd pump, and it was fabulous. Now she's back to refusing the bottle again, since she's had a boob at her beck and call for the past 2 months. So it's back to square one for mommy.

I also wanted to tell you that I fixed my mom's computer and I felt like such a champ. It's small victories like that that make me feel like a superhero (especially after I spent 6 or 8 hours working on it). So if you ever get really bad spyware, I'm your girl.

I'm sure there's more up stuff floating around in my brain but I have to get ready for work. 3 hours of being a graphics slave then back to being mommy.

Monday, May 08, 2006

The girl that couldn't get a break

That's me. Looks like the dream of buying a house has been postponed to the day that I get a full time job again. After playing around with our broker all last week, who one day would tell us "it's looking good!" and then the next day "it's not looking good" and making us jump through hoop after hoop after hoop, we ended up on the "we can't do it" note. So we found the perfect house after looking for months and now we can't get it.

I'm pretty bummed.

Anyway, last night I applied for probably 10 jobs on monster.com. They're all in Pittsburgh, and I've been trying to avoid jobs in Pittsburgh because that drive sucks. And gas is expensive. I feel like I'm repeatedly shooting myself in the foot. It's frustrating. And it makes me want to eat cookies all day.

On a happy note, the benefit for Ryan's mom was extremely successful. They managed to raise close to $13,000. And it was a good time, once I got my kid to take a nap and could drink some beer. A lot of our friends came out, which was very much appreciated. It's so nice to have wonderful friends.

So even if I spend the rest of my life jobless and homeless, I've got good friends.

Everyone else can stick it up their ass.

Friday, May 05, 2006

For the cause

Vince was asking me if there was a way he could contribute to the benefit for Ryan's mom. If you want to, you can paypal me (I have a link in my sidebar). I promise to give it to the benefit committee.

Thanks!

Friday blah blah

I've been up since 3:30, when Ryan woke out of his asphalt and sun induced hibernation on the couch and started stumbling all over the house with the grace of a hippopotamus in heat. I literally thought he was going to crash through the floor into the basement the way he was walking around. Like he had concrete blocks strapped to his feet. To add insult to my already grouchy and awake injury, he stomped into the bedroom and started asking me questions. THEN he decided it would be nice to climb into bed with me.

Here's the thing. I recognize that MOST married couples share a bed. That's normal. What's probably NOT normal is me. Since Lyric has been around and I've been sharing a bed with her, sleeping next to my husband is just plain impossible. It's not just that we physically all can't fit into his parents full sized 20 year old bed together (the one that you can feel the springs digging into your ribs and OH MY GOD, who would put BUTTONS on a mattress?), but it's that Ryan is big. And cumbersome. And if I didn't mention it before, LOUD.

This morning I was already sweaty thanks to the alternative down comforter I had pulled over me. Lyric had been snoozing peacefully in the co-sleeper. When Ryan crawled into bed, I initially thought, like I always think, ok, maybe this won't be so bad. Then, like usual, the snoring started.

The snoring used to not bother me so much. But now I have a baby who is dependent on a semi-quiet environment to sleep in. Semi-quiet meaning a rock concert could be going on next door. But anyone who has ever heard Ryan sleeping knows that his snores are equivalent to sonic booms, so I wasn't surprised when Lyric woke up. I pulled her over into bed with me, adding to my discomfort. I tried to fall back asleep, but there was no way, not with Mr. Hippo in Heat in one ear and Ms. Boob Junkie strapped to my chest.

So Lyric and I moved to the couch, where I resigned myself to watching the "Superstars of Country" Time Life collection infomercial with Kenny Rogers. I actually considered buying it for my parents, then I got online and found out I'd have to take out a small loan in order to do so.

So this has been my morning so far. And it's only 10 after 6.


I don't think I've mentioned this before, but tomorrow friends of Ryan's family are having a benefit for his mom. She, as you probably already know, is very ill. I was watching the video last night of the day Lyric was born and I couldn't believe the difference in the way his mom looks since she started dialysis. It's amazing how that can wreck your body. Anyway, her friends decided they needed to do something to help her out financially, since her medical costs are insane, and they have other bills on top of that (part of the reason that Ryan and I moved in here was to pay their utilities while they weren't living here), plus they need a new car. I hope that tomorrow they raise enough money for them to get a new car. That would be awesome.


Speaking of awesome, you know what would also be just that? If I could get a mortgage. So send me good mortgage vibes today. We're having some trouble since I'm laid off and Ryan is a seasonal worker because our lender doesn't recognize unemployment income as actual income. So it looks like we make nada. And that might be true, but hey! We still need a house! It's either that or live at my in-laws forever! And that's not gonna happen cause they're moving back in soon.


Speaking of nightmares, my mom somehow (read: my brother was on porn sites) got a terrible strain of spyware on her computer that I cannot get rid of. I spent probably 4 hours yesterday running spy bot, ad aware, AVG, and some other virus program that I'm having a brain fart on. If you have any ideas, please let me know. Email me: ericalorenz@yahoo.com. When my mom told me about this the other day she said, "All I see when I look at my computer are tits and twats!" The quote of the year.


Last Saturday was Lyric's first trip to camp. She loved it, like I knew she would. Here are some pictures:










And this isn't a camp picture, but it's pretty cute anyway.



Huh? What? Suh! Lots of people eat their socks, you didn't know? Der!


Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Just half would be okay...

$154,415.

That is what I'm worth a year as a stay at home mom, according to salary.com.

That puts me in a much higher tax bracket.

Eh. At least it's not a thankless job. I get paid trillions in cute baby love.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

For your viewing pleasure...




That's my baby. Thanks to Celti, who made me laugh my ass off with that.

A lot of stuff is going on here right now, including my old job calling me back to work. It's only 12 hours a week, but its enough, because we are on a quest. A quest to buy a house. We found one over the weekend, and it had Ryan, E-Lo and Lyric written all over it.

Keep your fingers crossed for us. Things may just be working out according to my evil plan.

Monday, May 01, 2006

E-Lo Answers

Vince asked: What's the craziest thing you've ever done? Besides have a baby that is.

Hmm. My answer, had you not said "beside have a baby" would indeed be "having a baby." The actual giving birth part is the craziest thing I've ever done. Other than that, I'm really not all that crazy, but I do recall streaking though one of my best friend's backyard while she was having a party. There was a lot of nakedness that night, including our husbands, who were skinny dipping in the pool together. The water was too cold for us, so we just got naked and ran through the backyard.

She lived in downtown Erie and it was 11:00 at night, AND the neighbors were home.

Starr asked: what's the meanest thing you've ever done?-and-what's the deally yo?
As far as mean things go, I've done a lot of mean things, so nothing really ranks up there as the meanest. In my opinion, all the mean things I've done were deserved, EXCEPT for how mean I was to my brother when we were little. So I'd say the mean things that I regret doing were fighting with him, cause we used to really go at it. He was smaller than me, so I could hold him down and spit on him and stuff. And when he was a baby I'd put the food I didn't want to eat on his plate while my mom and dad weren't looking. He couldn't talk, so he couldn't say anything.

Thinking about that makes me sad and I want to hug my brother and say I'm sorry.

The deally yo is nuthin' much. My life is on pause.

Rob asked: How did ya get so purty? And who's yer daddy? And wtf? OK.. Now I'll go and think of some real questions.

I like to think that I got so purty from my mom. She's very purty. And my daddy is Vince. And I don't know wtf, wtf wit you?

Lynx asked: Have you ever traveled outside the country? Have you ever gone skydiving? Aside from something happening to Lyric or Ryan, what is your greatest fear?

Well, I've been to Canada. And Mexico. I stick with the Americas, but some day, I might go as far as Europe. If I'm lucky.

Skydiving? Hell no. It takes a lot for me to jump off of a high dive, much less out of a plane. I've only ever flown once, and that was to Mexico.

My greatest fear? I'm afraid of everything. The dark, spiders, imaginary monsters... but I'm also afraid of something bad happening to me.

Shalini asked: 1) What is the grossest thing you have ever eaten? 2) What is the best thing you have eaten? 3) What is the one thing you will never eat?

The grossest thing I've ever eaten... I don't know. I tend not to eat things that I think might potentially be gross. Maybe a bug on accident or something? The best thing I've ever eaten was a filet and marianated shrimp at the Gateway Lodge in Cook Forest. It's what I'd want to eat if I had to choose my last meal. It's also the most expensive thing I've ever eaten. And the one thing I'll never eat is veal. I eat steak, but for some reason I can't bring myself to eat veal. I ate it when I was younger once or twice, and then when I found out what they do to the poor baby cows to make them taste like that I couldn't do it again. Beating an adult cow in the skull is one thing, but torturing baby cows is another totally for some reason with me.

ESC asked: do you find yourself turning into your mother against your own will, now that you have a daughter?how did Ryan propose? (or have you talked about that already?)

I've always been somewhat like my mom, which must be disconcerting to Ryan because he claims to dislike my mother. I wouldn't say it's against my will, because I admire my mom quite a bit. The only quality of hers that I don't want is how she is able to make me feel guilty on the drop of a dime. But I guess that's what mothers do.

And I have talked about how Ryan proposed here. It's a good story.

Greg asked: which has a higher salt density: the bonneville salt flats or kevin kniess on a bad day?

That's easy. Kevin Kniess has double the salt density than the Bonneville Salt Flats even on his least salty day. However on his saltiest day, the prospect of driving the poly teal chromobile on the Bonneville Salt Flats gives him a salty chub.

Rob (with his real questions this time) asked: If you had to live in a tree house for the rest of your life, would you prefer halogen or incandescent lights?If you were President, whose photos would hang in the oval office?If you had to spend 24 hours in one position without moving, what position would that be?

Incandescent. It makes my skin look better. And I'm sure there would be lots of natural light, what with living in a tree.

If I were President, the least of my worries would be how to decorate the oval office. I'd be busy working on the 20 hour work week and making it a law that pregnant women would get at least 2 full years of fully paid maternity leave. Family values is my agenda. And gay marriage would be legal and so would marijuana, because if drinking is allowed why not pot? And that's why I'll never be President. Ok, pictures of Lyric, Ryan, my mom and dad, and Rosie.

I could spend 24 hours lying on my side in bed. I did it while I was in labor, I could probably do it again. Only that time I was clinging on to the bed rails for dear life, unable to speak because of the PAIN.

Seth asked: Have you ever been arrested? What for? How many accidents have you been in? How many were your fault? What is your favorite technique for getting out of a ticket? Ever stolen anything? If you had a helper monkey, what would you name it?

Never been arrested. Although I probably should have been lots of times.

I've been in a total of probably 5 accidents. 2 of them were my fault. Once I lost control of the car while not paying attention going around a bend on a gravelly road, and the other time I rear ended a car, which actually ended up being a 4 car accident, but all the other cars were in front of me and none were damaged as bad as mine. My car has been hit and run numerous times and I've hit a deer or been in a car when hitting a deer a couple times.

I've been pulled over at least 3 times by the police and the only time I ever got a ticket was while wearing my glasses and having Ryan in the car with me. Having glasses on and a boy in the car doesn't help when you're a cute girl. The other times I was alone or had a girlfriend with me and we just looked cute, and that worked.

Have I EVER stolen things! I'm quite the klepto. I've stolen more than my fair share of goodies in the past. Bad bad E-Lo.

Ping Pong seems like a good name for a helper monkey.


Jeanette asked: If your life were "perfect", what would it be like? What geographic place would you live in? Would you be super rich or content with restrictions? Etc, etc.?

It would be much like it is now, only I'd have a big house with lots of cool stuff and money. I'd be a SAHM and live where I do now so I'd be around my family and friends. I don't know if I'd have to be super rich, but not having to worry about money like I do now would be awesome. Plus I'd like to buy the stuff I want and can't afford. Things normal people have, like cars that have mufflers and i-pods.

FFF asked: What's your biggest regret? If you could change one thing about your personality or your past, what would it be?

I try not to live my life regretting things, because I find it to be a waste of time. You learn from the mistakes you make and then you don't make them again. The choices that I've made in the past have made me the person I am, and without them I'd be someone I didn't know. But if there's one thing I could change about my personality it would be getting rid of shyness. I know I don't come across as shy or quiet here but I really am. The peeps who know me can attest to that. That's something I've always disliked about myself and I've never been able to completely overcome it, although I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be.

Varla asked: what country would you like to visit most?what foreign language would you like to learn?what talent are you most proud of?

I'd like to visit Italy and Germany because that's where most of my family is from. I'd love to speak Polish. My grandma taught me a lot of Polish words but they're hard to remember. The talent that I'm most proud of is... hmm. I guess it's all my technical multimedia know-how. I can make a lot of stuff, videos, webpages, CD ROMs, whatever. I just wish I had a better computer to do it all on.


And that's it for Ask E-Lo. Thanks for playing! Now back to your regularly scheduled Squirrel Stories. Things are getting interesting around here.